SEX AND THE HUBBY: Respect marriage vows
2009/12/06
S. RAGUNATHAN, Petaling Jaya.
WORKING women should not be blamed for straying husbands.
Some men wantonly seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage.
Even if a man or woman is not religious, their conscience should make them feel guilty about sexual misconduct.
Women work to supplement the income of the family. Men and women should respect the sanctity of their marriage vows and be faithful.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
SEX AND THE HUBBY: Build trust early in marriage
SEX AND THE HUBBY: Build trust early in marriage
2009/12/06
ANGELINE, Kuala Lumpur
IN my opinion, mutual trust and understanding are keys to a happy and long-lasting marriage.
Husbands and wives must establish a faithful relationship early on in their marriage, especially in this fast-paced and competitive working environment.
More and more married women opt to work to lead a comfortable life. Previously, husbands were the breadwinners and the income was sufficient to support a family. But now a dual-income family is common.
There's an easy way to plan for retirement. Find out how.
I think that both husband and wife have to be blamed for the husband's infidelity. The wife has to understand the needs of the husband.
Also, the husband has to think about the consequences of his actions. If he is a responsible husband and father, he will not seek prostitutes to fulfil his sexual needs because this will cause his family to suffer.
Husbands and wives have to sit down, discuss and agree about how their individual needs can be fulfilled.
Time management is the main problem. Husbands and wives need to iron out this issue to establish a peaceful and fulfilling family life.
2009/12/06
ANGELINE, Kuala Lumpur
IN my opinion, mutual trust and understanding are keys to a happy and long-lasting marriage.
Husbands and wives must establish a faithful relationship early on in their marriage, especially in this fast-paced and competitive working environment.
More and more married women opt to work to lead a comfortable life. Previously, husbands were the breadwinners and the income was sufficient to support a family. But now a dual-income family is common.
There's an easy way to plan for retirement. Find out how.
I think that both husband and wife have to be blamed for the husband's infidelity. The wife has to understand the needs of the husband.
Also, the husband has to think about the consequences of his actions. If he is a responsible husband and father, he will not seek prostitutes to fulfil his sexual needs because this will cause his family to suffer.
Husbands and wives have to sit down, discuss and agree about how their individual needs can be fulfilled.
Time management is the main problem. Husbands and wives need to iron out this issue to establish a peaceful and fulfilling family life.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Chinese 'Cinderellas' queue up to attend ball
Chinese 'Cinderellas' queue up to attend ball
BEIJING: Some 1,500 young women have submitted their applications in Guangzhou, capital city of southern China's Guangdong province to attend a ball, which hosts a field of single and wealthy men.
Organized by a local matchmaking website, the meeting between lucky girls and multimillionaires would be staged aboard a luxury yacht, Xinhua news agency reported on Wednesday.
Only 40 of the girls would pass the selection criteria, Wednesday's China Daily quoted Information Times as saying.
According to organizers, the multimillionaires would be judged on two basic criteria: they have to be worth at least 50 million yuan (RM24.78 million) and must be single.
So far, some 10 wealthy people have been approved, said Cheng Yongsheng, a manager of the website, Xinhua said.
Each would have to pay 36,800 yuan (some RM18,240) for the ball, but the girls get to go for free.
The potential Cinderellas face a much more stringent selection process, said Cheng.
"Girls must be outstanding in many aspects such as appearance, figure and academic performance," Cheng said.
Most girls applying for the ball have college degrees, each with a monthly salary of about 5,000 yuan (some RM2,479), according to Cheng.
Organizers have hired marriage counsellors to determine whether the women are kind, gentle and tasteful.
Organizers held a similar event earlier this year, with only one millionaire successfully married.
"Ten more couples are dating after the previous event. Due to their busy work and strict requirements for dating girls, rich men find it hard to meet their Cinderellas," Cheng said. - Bernama
BEIJING: Some 1,500 young women have submitted their applications in Guangzhou, capital city of southern China's Guangdong province to attend a ball, which hosts a field of single and wealthy men.
Organized by a local matchmaking website, the meeting between lucky girls and multimillionaires would be staged aboard a luxury yacht, Xinhua news agency reported on Wednesday.
Only 40 of the girls would pass the selection criteria, Wednesday's China Daily quoted Information Times as saying.
According to organizers, the multimillionaires would be judged on two basic criteria: they have to be worth at least 50 million yuan (RM24.78 million) and must be single.
So far, some 10 wealthy people have been approved, said Cheng Yongsheng, a manager of the website, Xinhua said.
Each would have to pay 36,800 yuan (some RM18,240) for the ball, but the girls get to go for free.
The potential Cinderellas face a much more stringent selection process, said Cheng.
"Girls must be outstanding in many aspects such as appearance, figure and academic performance," Cheng said.
Most girls applying for the ball have college degrees, each with a monthly salary of about 5,000 yuan (some RM2,479), according to Cheng.
Organizers have hired marriage counsellors to determine whether the women are kind, gentle and tasteful.
Organizers held a similar event earlier this year, with only one millionaire successfully married.
"Ten more couples are dating after the previous event. Due to their busy work and strict requirements for dating girls, rich men find it hard to meet their Cinderellas," Cheng said. - Bernama
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Cupid consultant
Cupid consultant
Evan Katz
AMERICANS invented the personal trainer to get physically fit and the career coach to give them a leg-up on the professional ladder.
But once they had hauled their size zero bodies and rippling abs to the very top of the career tree and paused to allow their fancy to turn to thoughts of love, they realised they were out on a limb.
Enter the dating coach.
Unlike a traditional matchmaker, a dating coach will not arrange a tryst for a person, but is "a personal trainer for people who want to fall in love", said Evan Katz, one of the pioneers of the genre.
"You have to do the work, you have to lift the weights, but I will guide you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself," said Katz (right), who has been coaching people to successful love lives for five years.
His client pool is unlikely to dry up any time soon because, according to Katz, there are tens of millions of single people out there.
The people who employ the services of a dating coach tend to be educated, hard-working and relatively high up on the socio-economic ladder, not least because fees for the service are relatively high and not reimbursed by health insurance, coach Jennifer Viemont told AFP.
But when it comes to meeting a soulmate, they haven’t got a clue.
Viemont, whose prices start at US$200 (RM702) for two phone calls and unlimited email support for one month, currently counsels a doctor from Illinois, a business owner from North Carolina and an engineer from Ohio, among others.
Katz, whose fees are significantly higher, speculated that Americans who end up turning to dating coaches have focused so much and for so long on scaling the career ladder that they have ignored their emotional needs.
"This is a country where people work minimum 40 hours a week, at least five days a week and at least 50 weeks a year. We don’t take a siesta every day, nor do we have a month off each summer, like in France," he said.
And that doesn’t leave a lot of time or energy for mate-searching.
"It’s work to find the right person ... It’s like a job search, only much more important," one of Katz’s clients said in a testimonial.
So how does it work?
Usually, a dating coach will start out with some questions and advice, designed to steer you clear of pitfalls such as "being interested in anyone who’s interested back", Viemont said.
"I might ask questions about grooming skills. Are they tucking their shirt in, are they dressed appropriately for where they’re going, did they wash their hair?
"It might seem obvious to you, but some people just don’t think of those things" – which could explain why they aren’t getting many dates.
Katz also begins the client-coach relationship with a chat, conducted either by phone or email. After that, while Viemont suggests places where a would-be dater might meet a kindred spirit, such as wine-tastings or dance classes, Katz puts his clients online.
Viemont explained her aversion to the Internet as a meeting place, saying: "The only thing you’ll have in common with someone you meet online is that you’re both single. Hopefully."
But Katz defended the World Wide Web, saying it was "the quickest way to build a social life from scratch".
"I do it in a very thoughtful, methodical way with photos, a funny user name, witty emails, a self-aware confident essay," the former Hollywood writer said.
Dating coaches have their own, self-appointed professional association, datingcoach.org, founded some six years ago.
Among its lofty ambitions is "to be the global forum for the art and science of date coaching."
There’s science involved? Maybe they mean chemistry?
Whichever branch of the sciences it is, few of the singles who were willing to speak about their private lives with AFP bought the idea of hiring a dating coach.
"I don’t believe in all that. I believe in spontaneity. How are you supposed to see if there’s any chemistry between you if it’s all been set up?" said Annie from California, a 51-year-old who looks 10 years younger than she is.
"Ugh," said Deborah, 49, from San Francisco bluntly, while 35-year-old Luis from New York said manicured, online profiles and witty emails seemed "a bit disingenuous". – AFP
Evan Katz
AMERICANS invented the personal trainer to get physically fit and the career coach to give them a leg-up on the professional ladder.
But once they had hauled their size zero bodies and rippling abs to the very top of the career tree and paused to allow their fancy to turn to thoughts of love, they realised they were out on a limb.
Enter the dating coach.
Unlike a traditional matchmaker, a dating coach will not arrange a tryst for a person, but is "a personal trainer for people who want to fall in love", said Evan Katz, one of the pioneers of the genre.
"You have to do the work, you have to lift the weights, but I will guide you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself," said Katz (right), who has been coaching people to successful love lives for five years.
His client pool is unlikely to dry up any time soon because, according to Katz, there are tens of millions of single people out there.
The people who employ the services of a dating coach tend to be educated, hard-working and relatively high up on the socio-economic ladder, not least because fees for the service are relatively high and not reimbursed by health insurance, coach Jennifer Viemont told AFP.
But when it comes to meeting a soulmate, they haven’t got a clue.
Viemont, whose prices start at US$200 (RM702) for two phone calls and unlimited email support for one month, currently counsels a doctor from Illinois, a business owner from North Carolina and an engineer from Ohio, among others.
Katz, whose fees are significantly higher, speculated that Americans who end up turning to dating coaches have focused so much and for so long on scaling the career ladder that they have ignored their emotional needs.
"This is a country where people work minimum 40 hours a week, at least five days a week and at least 50 weeks a year. We don’t take a siesta every day, nor do we have a month off each summer, like in France," he said.
And that doesn’t leave a lot of time or energy for mate-searching.
"It’s work to find the right person ... It’s like a job search, only much more important," one of Katz’s clients said in a testimonial.
So how does it work?
Usually, a dating coach will start out with some questions and advice, designed to steer you clear of pitfalls such as "being interested in anyone who’s interested back", Viemont said.
"I might ask questions about grooming skills. Are they tucking their shirt in, are they dressed appropriately for where they’re going, did they wash their hair?
"It might seem obvious to you, but some people just don’t think of those things" – which could explain why they aren’t getting many dates.
Katz also begins the client-coach relationship with a chat, conducted either by phone or email. After that, while Viemont suggests places where a would-be dater might meet a kindred spirit, such as wine-tastings or dance classes, Katz puts his clients online.
Viemont explained her aversion to the Internet as a meeting place, saying: "The only thing you’ll have in common with someone you meet online is that you’re both single. Hopefully."
But Katz defended the World Wide Web, saying it was "the quickest way to build a social life from scratch".
"I do it in a very thoughtful, methodical way with photos, a funny user name, witty emails, a self-aware confident essay," the former Hollywood writer said.
Dating coaches have their own, self-appointed professional association, datingcoach.org, founded some six years ago.
Among its lofty ambitions is "to be the global forum for the art and science of date coaching."
There’s science involved? Maybe they mean chemistry?
Whichever branch of the sciences it is, few of the singles who were willing to speak about their private lives with AFP bought the idea of hiring a dating coach.
"I don’t believe in all that. I believe in spontaneity. How are you supposed to see if there’s any chemistry between you if it’s all been set up?" said Annie from California, a 51-year-old who looks 10 years younger than she is.
"Ugh," said Deborah, 49, from San Francisco bluntly, while 35-year-old Luis from New York said manicured, online profiles and witty emails seemed "a bit disingenuous". – AFP
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halal Match Websites
Top : Marriage
http://www.jannah.org/mamalist/Marriage/
MamaList of Islamic Links: Marriage
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•MuslimUnions.com - MuslimUnions.com is a worldwide matrimonial website that offers a way for muslim men and women to make acquaintance for the purpose of marriage. (Added: 6-Nov-2004 Hits: 1008 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nikah as per Islamic Laws - Online matchmaking matrimonial nikah system for Muslims. Register with us to find your perfect match. Our system includes dozens of powerful search options, advanced profiles, a live forum, and fully integrated chat. (Added: 22-May-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nikah.com Muslim Matrimonial Service - Provides matrimonial service to Muslims around the world to find their life partner. Browse thousands of profiles to find your one-and-only soulmate, Inshallah. (Added: 12-Jun-2004 Hits: 813 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nikahpoint.com, 100% free matrimonial - Absolutely free matrimonial website. It is very simple to use and has advance features. (Added: 22-Mar-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•NikahSearch.com Muslim Matrimonial : Online Matrimonials Service Provider! - NikahSearch.com is the major online Muslim matrimonial service provider. (Added: 6-Dec-2007 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nur Marriage Service - We specialize in arranging marriages for Canadian muslims in Canada. (Added: 30-May-2005 Hits: 1075 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Pakistani Matrimonial - A completely FREE Pakistani matrimonials site, helping Pakistanis from around the world find a rishta. The site is designed for Pakistanis serious about marriage only, and has lots of great features all free. (Added: 22-Dec-2004 Hits: 411 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Pure Nikah - Muslim marriage links, place ads, search for FREE - easy to use (Added: 8-Jun-2004 Hits: 1175 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Rishtaa.com Matrimonials - India's most popular Internet matrimonial service. Most effective, most safe and secure way to find a life partner. (Added: 14-Dec-2002 Hits: 1085 Rating: 8.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•SalaamLove.com - Muslim Singles - Muslim singles and matrimonial site for Shia and Sunni singles. (Added: 19-May-2007 Hits: 171 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Single Muslim - Dedicated to introducing single Muslims online. We have the widest range of Muslim singles online and you can find your Muslim marriage partner online. (Added: 22-Jan-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 7.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
•Singlemuslim.co.uk - Our goal is to use technology to provide the best possible help for Single Muslim members to increase their chances and opportunity of finding an ideal Muslim match for marriage. (Added: 24-Aug-2002 Hits: 1404 Rating: 7.07 Votes: 13) Rate It
•Tamil Muslim Matrimonial Site - Tamil Muslim Matrimonial Site (Added: 11-Mar-2005 Hits: 322 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•The Muslim Attachment Parenting Page (Added: 25-Aug-01 Hits: 740 Rating: 6.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
•Two Muslims (Added: 20-Oct-2004 Hits: 1491 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 4) Rate It
•UK based Muslim Matrimonal/personals site for muslims - ukmuslimsingles.com is a uk based free matrimoinal/personals site for single muslims (Added: 5-Nov-2004 Hits: 1194 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Zawijni.com Muslim Matrimonial Marriage Network - If you are seeking a husband or wife as an Islamic marriage partner then you have come to the right Muslim Marriage website. Muslim Marriage Link has been designed for the sole purpose of providing Muslims (Men and Women) of all ages who worship ALLAH and follow the teachings of the Qur'an and the Prophet PBUH. (Added: 10-May-2005 Hits: 1061 Rating: 8.67 Votes: 6) Rate It
•ZehirliOk.COM - Poisonous Arrow - "The (evil) gaze is a poisonous arrow from the arrows of Iblis. He that abstains from it out of my fear, I will grant him in return such Imaan (faith), the sweetness of which he will experience within his heart." (Added: 5-Nov-2007 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
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http://www.jannah.org/mamalist/Marriage/
MamaList of Islamic Links: Marriage
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•Halfmydeen.Org - A New Forum for Muslim Singles! - Introducing..... A New Forum for practicing Muslim Singles ages 25-40 to discuss marriage and getting married. Reviews of matrimonial sites, questions, a completely Anonymous section! Completely free and non-profit. This isn't a matrimonial site, but a forum! I hope you can join and participate!! :D new pop (Added: 1-Dec-2008 Hits: 5001 Rating: 10.0 Votes: 21) Rate It
•123-Matrimonials - Muslim Matrimonials - Muslim Matrimonials in 3 easy steps with photos, compatability matching, free registration & more. pop (Added: 28-Aug-2001 Hits: 7793 Rating: 5.54 Votes: 11) Rate It
•1st Place Muslim Matrimonials - An extensive matrimonial site for marriage minded muslims worldwide. pop (Added: 1-May-2002 Hits: 7663 Rating: 6.67 Votes: 9) Rate It
•Advanced Muslim Matrimonials by Zmats.com - A leading marriage site for Muslims worldwide. Photo matrimonial ads, Free submission, searchable directory, and anonymous mailbox. Thousands of ads, updated daily. Tens of thousands of registered members. On the web since 1997. pop (Added: 28-Dec-2002 Hits: 6148 Rating: 8.40 Votes: 5) Rate It
•Arabium.com: Arab and muslim singles - Meet arab and muslim singles for marriage. pop (Added: 23-Nov-2002 Hits: 5994 Rating: 6.14 Votes: 7) Rate It
•Asian Muslim matrimonial marriage bureau UK - Asian Islamic matrimonials agency for any Muslim seeking a matrimonial partner UK pop (Added: 15-Apr-2003 Hits: 1686 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•AskBilqis.com: Common-Sense Islamic Marriage Advice and Family Advice - Islamic marriage advice and common-sense answers to Islamic marriage, wedding, childraising and family questions. Do you have a problem? Ask Bilqis and she will answer your question on her website. pop (Added: 28-Dec-2002 Hits: 2731 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 4) Rate It
•E-Muslim Singles - Place Personal Profile. Browse Thousands of Profiles and Photos Submitted by Quality Muslim Singles Looking For Marriage From all over the World. Get married the Halal way! pop (Added: 27-Apr-2003 Hits: 6738 Rating: 3.17 Votes: 6) Rate It
•Internet Matrimonial (Rishtay) for Muslims pop (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 3069 Rating: 5.33 Votes: 3) Rate It
•Internet Matrimonials pop (Added: 25-Aug-01 Hits: 2691 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
•Islamic Matches_ A completely FREE site. - A FREE international matrimonial ads site for Muslim singles designed by voluneteers from our mosque. pop (Added: 23-Jun-2002 Hits: 6715 Rating: 6.40 Votes: 15) Rate It
•Islamic Matrimonial Services pop (Added: 25-Aug-01 Hits: 2105 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•IslamicPersonals.com - A free international matrimonial ads site for Muslim singles. pop (Added: 1-May-2002 Hits: 3509 Rating: 8.00 Votes: 5) Rate It
•Marriage Nikah Consultants pop (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 2403 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Maryland Muslim Marriage - a forum for single Muslims in Maryland pop (Added: 28-Dec-2002 Hits: 2343 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Matrimonial Site For Muslim Brothers and Sisters - This is a site developed to help Muslim brothers and sisters to find soulmated according to the proper Islamic Way. pop (Added: 23-May-2002 Hits: 3434 Rating: 7.12 Votes: 8) Rate It
•Matrimony HomePage pop (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 2824 Rating: 5.67 Votes: 3) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonial Service - Provides free matrimonial service for Muslims to find life partner. pop (Added: 28-Nov-2001 Hits: 2023 Rating: 9.00 Votes: 5) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonials Central - Find a Muslim husband or wife. Start planning for your Islamic wedding. pop (Added: 27-Jan-2003 Hits: 2917 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•MuslimMatch.com pop (Added: 25-Aug-01 Hits: 2888 Rating: 6.83 Votes: 6) Rate It
•Naseeb Networks - [**Editor's Pick] Cool Matrimonial hangout on the internet! pop (Added: 3-May-2004 Hits: 2996 Rating: 5.89 Votes: 9) Rate It
•Online Muslim Matrimonial - Online Muslim Matrimonial (OMM) is a free and most sophisticated matrimonial/matchmaking service dedicated to marriage minded Muslims (Men and Women) of all ages around the world, who are in search of life partner/soul-mate. We aim to serve the broadest spectrum of the Muslim community. OMM provides a friendly, private and completely secure meeting ground for Muslims all across the world, along with the picture option. pop (Added: 4-Aug-2002 Hits: 2995 Rating: 8.50 Votes: 2) Rate It
•Yusuf's Interactive Links 2 Muslim Islamic Matrimonial Websites + More... pop (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 1889 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 8) Rate It
•Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonials and More! - World-wide Muslim matrimonial ads with photos, confidential mailboxes, thousands of members and an easily searchable database. pop (Added: 12-Jan-2004 Hits: 1810 Rating: 8.91 Votes: 12) Rate It
•Al-zawaaj - Unfortunately it is nowadays very difficult to find a good partner. Al-Zawaaj.Com is a new internet site which aims at helping Moslems to find a suitable spouse, inshallah! (Added: 18-Nov-2006 Hits: 266 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 8) Rate It
•Ana For You - We want to assure that Muslims are treated with dignity and accorded quality service. (Added: 10-Oct-2007 Hits: 388 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
•Australian Muslim Martrimonial Site (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 1427 Rating: 6.33 Votes: 3) Rate It
•BestMuslim.com Free muslim marriage & matrimonial website - Free muslim marriage, matrimonial, dating, romance, social networking, chat, discussion forum, blog, and e-cards website. (Added: 21-Mar-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Flashcination - We create wedding Flash wedding websites and video montages. we are looking for muslim couples who are getting married and welcome them to make their site with us. I can make websites that looks more traditional and cultural. Do email us for enquiries. (Added: 16-Dec-2004 Hits: 289 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Free Indian Matrimonials - Browse thousands of Indian profiles with pictures. Provides powerful features like advanced search, Contact filter, and Profile manager and lot more. (Added: 28-Sep-2003 Hits: 847 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Free muslim marriage and dating online - Ramalife.com is the best place to find your muslim partner. If you are a Muslim and are serious about marriage you are in the right place. Use our free membership, secure, simple and quick search to find your dream partner. (Added: 29-Dec-2004 Hits: 1159 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Free Muslim Matrimonal Websites - Free Muslim Matrimonal Websites contect membres also free. (Added: 18-Dec-2007 Hits: 0 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Free Muslim Matrimonial - This is a Free service that helps Muslims to get in touch with one another online for the purpose to ask many questions and hopefully find a spouse. (Added: 2-Aug-2007 Hits: 328 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Free Muslim Matrimony site - Free matrimony services for Muslim, Hindu, Christian, Sikh communities. Free Registration, Free communication with members. (Added: 26-Apr-2005 Hits: 1264 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Halal Love - Halal Love is a unique site for marriage minded Muslims around the world. If you are a Muslim and are serious about marriage then here are the reasons for using Halal Love: (Added: 20-Aug-2005 Hits: 420 Rating: 5.50 Votes: 4) Rate It
•Indian Hyderabad Muslim Marriage - shaadi4nri.com offers registration for muslims from Indian and Abroad. Complete NRI Proposals (Added: 23-Sep-2007 Hits: 265 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•indian matrimonial website - find your dream partner and soulmate (Added: 29-Jun-2006 Hits: 107 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Indian Wedding - Indian wedding and wedding portal website to help find everything you want to know about Indian weddings. (Added: 10-Sep-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Islam and Infertility (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 770 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
•Islamic Introductions - Islamic Introductions is professional, personalized, offline matchmaking service. We personally get to know you, and match you with compatible Muslim singles. (Added: 5-Dec-2007 Hits: 0 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Islamic Marriage - Thousands of new Muslim join every month, free contact is available, great tools, run and powered by ISLAMICITY (Added: 12-Jan-2005 Hits: 898 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•IslamicFriendFinder.Com - Register, specify and let our automated feature inform you once someone is interested in you! Featuring a powerful 2-way intelligent matching system in the most affordable price. (Added: 15-Oct-2002 Hits: 1404 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 9) Rate It
•Lemance Network Personals - Lemance Network Personals is a 100% free quality for matrimonial, shadi, nikhan, friendship, dating website. All contents of this site are censored under the laws of Islamic Countries. We pray that May Allah make your dreams come true, Amin. (Added: 6-Jan-2007 Hits: 163 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Matrimonial - It 100% Free Matrimonial website, No Membership, No Any Payment Option. (Added: 23-Dec-2006 Hits: 259 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Matrimonial and matchmaking - A free muslim matrimonial site for all serious participants. Inshallah we can be of some help in you finding a spouse. (Added: 9-Aug-2007 Hits: 198 Rating: 9.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Matrimonial and pen-pal Agency (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 1059 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
•Matrimonial website for American and Canadian Muslims - matrimonial website for American and Canadian Muslims (Added: 22-Sep-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•MatriZone.Com - Indian Matrimonial Zone - MatriZone.Com is one of the leading FREE matrimonial service web sites in India. It has numerous profile listings with easy navigation, search, advanced profile matching, contact filter & lot more features to make your matrimonial search an easy & successful one! (Added: 8-Apr-2002 Hits: 658 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Mumineen Matrimonials - Home (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 1326 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Brides - Internet matrimonials for World Muslims (Added: 30-Mar-2005 Hits: 746 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Brides Dinner Club - MB Dinner Club holds live dinner events throughout the United Kingdom in order to facilitate marriage between like-minded Muslim Brothers and Sisters. (Added: 25-Jul-2006 Hits: 134 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Indians/Pakistani Match Makers - We are serving our Muslim Indians/Pakistani community here in US/Canada for their match making services. (Added: 18-Oct-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Marriage Consultants - Are You Looking For The Other Half Of Your Religion? Search Our Complete Database Now! A Lot of Extras! (Added: 25-Jun-2002 Hits: 1139 Rating: 9.50 Votes: 6) Rate It
•Muslim marriage online - Your muslim matrimonial site for young professional muslims. Helping you to find your perfect marriage partner. (Added: 4-Jul-2005 Hits: 223 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Muslim Marriage Service - Muslim Marriage Service is like an Islamic marriage bureau, where Muslims seek matrimonial partners from our monthly list (Added: 4-Aug-2002 Hits: 1181 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Muslim Marriage Service - A completely FREE Muslim marriage site, helping Muslims from around the world find a husband/ wife. The site is designed for Muslims serious about marriage only, and has lots of great features all free. (Added: 22-Dec-2004 Hits: 565 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Muslim Marriage Uniting Bureau (Added: 20-Aug-01 Hits: 770 Rating: 9.50 Votes: 2) Rate It
•Muslim Marriage Website - MuslimMarriageSite.com is a worldwide matrimonial website that offers a way for single muslim men and women to make acquaintance for the purpose of marriage. (Added: 14-Dec-2004 Hits: 456 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonial - Muslim Matrimonial site 100% free with no hidden charges (Added: 7-Nov-2003 Hits: 1363 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Muslim matrimonial - Muslim matrimonial provides free matrimonial services and free articles related to islam to muslims around the world. (Added: 16-Dec-2004 Hits: 384 Rating: 9.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonial - World's Largest Matrimonial Website. Provides matrimonial services to Indians and people of Indian origon. (Added: 10-Sep-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonial - Matrimonials India is a virtual marriage bureau, providing free service to bride and bride grooms world-wide. One can place his / her particulars in details with photograph without any charge. Not only this, it has listing of businesses related to matrimonials or marriages, like beauticians, banquet halls, etc. (Added: 14-Jan-2005 Hits: 274 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonial Search made SIMPLE - Muslim SearchSaathi.com - Muslim Matrimonials - Muslim Matrimony Search made SIMPLE, Truly Indian Matrimonial Services Provider. Add your Free Matrimonials Profile Now! and interact with partners for FREE! (Added: 20-Jun-2005 Hits: 144 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim matrimonial service for all. - Muslim Matrimonial online Service. Over thousands of profiles and powerful searching and matching capabilities help you meet your Muslim Match. (Added: 24-May-2007 Hits: 157 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonial Site - Meet muslim people looking for marriage, Free sign up join now. (Added: 30-Jun-2004 Hits: 603 Rating: 7.50 Votes: 4) Rate It
•Muslim matrimonial site, Muslim marriage, Muslim dating - specialist Muslim dating and matchmaking website that assists Muslim ladies and men to find their match anywhere in the world (Added: 2-Oct-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonials - Offers best online Matrimonials services for Muslim community. Search Muslim bride & groom for Matrimonial. (Added: 20-Jun-2007 Hits: 148 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonials - Jeevansathi.com - Proving matrimonial services for muslims in India and abroad. Contains photo profiles of muslim brides and grooms. (Added: 29-Apr-2005 Hits: 403 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim Matrimonials - Mehbooba Nikah - UK based website providing matrimonial service for Muslims based on Islamic guidelines. One of the most important themes is the extensive knowledge based covering the varied aspects of marriage in the muslim religion. (Added: 24-Sep-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim singles, marriages and weddings - Meet muslim singles around the world. World's no.1 muslim matrimonial website. Free registration, photo search , messaging and many more !! (Added: 7-Aug-2004 Hits: 852 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslim4you - muslim4you.com Matrimonial - muslim Matrimonials, The No.1 Matrimonial Services Provider. ... (Added: 28-Jul-2007 Hits: 226 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslima - Muslim matrimonials and marriage site that helps single Muslim men and women find love and meet their soulmates. (Added: 26-Nov-2006 Hits: 211 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Muslimfriendship - The best dedicated site, provides Muslims and non-Muslims who are interested in Muslims with a place to build their faith and relationships, and interact with others. It is also a great place for singles to talk about job, life, religion, relationships. Or help others with their problems. (Added: 5-Feb-2004 Hits: 1435 Rating: 7.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•MuslimIntro.com - MuslimIntro.com is a matrimonial introduction site for Muslims. Search for your ideal marriage partner from hundreds of detailed online profiles. (Added: 17-Oct-2003 Hits: 1410 Rating: 7.00 Votes: 6) Rate It
•Muslimlife - Islamic marriage site for muslim singles looking for life partner in Europe. Service in English, German and Turkish (Added: 30-Apr-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•MuslimMatch - Includes dozens of powerful search options, advanced profiles, a live forum, and fully integrated chat. All totaly free. Popup free clean site. (Added: 27-Sep-2007 Hits: 137 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•MuslimUnions.com - MuslimUnions.com is a worldwide matrimonial website that offers a way for muslim men and women to make acquaintance for the purpose of marriage. (Added: 6-Nov-2004 Hits: 1008 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nikah as per Islamic Laws - Online matchmaking matrimonial nikah system for Muslims. Register with us to find your perfect match. Our system includes dozens of powerful search options, advanced profiles, a live forum, and fully integrated chat. (Added: 22-May-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nikah.com Muslim Matrimonial Service - Provides matrimonial service to Muslims around the world to find their life partner. Browse thousands of profiles to find your one-and-only soulmate, Inshallah. (Added: 12-Jun-2004 Hits: 813 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nikahpoint.com, 100% free matrimonial - Absolutely free matrimonial website. It is very simple to use and has advance features. (Added: 22-Mar-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•NikahSearch.com Muslim Matrimonial : Online Matrimonials Service Provider! - NikahSearch.com is the major online Muslim matrimonial service provider. (Added: 6-Dec-2007 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Nur Marriage Service - We specialize in arranging marriages for Canadian muslims in Canada. (Added: 30-May-2005 Hits: 1075 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Pakistani Matrimonial - A completely FREE Pakistani matrimonials site, helping Pakistanis from around the world find a rishta. The site is designed for Pakistanis serious about marriage only, and has lots of great features all free. (Added: 22-Dec-2004 Hits: 411 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Pure Nikah - Muslim marriage links, place ads, search for FREE - easy to use (Added: 8-Jun-2004 Hits: 1175 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Rishtaa.com Matrimonials - India's most popular Internet matrimonial service. Most effective, most safe and secure way to find a life partner. (Added: 14-Dec-2002 Hits: 1085 Rating: 8.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•SalaamLove.com - Muslim Singles - Muslim singles and matrimonial site for Shia and Sunni singles. (Added: 19-May-2007 Hits: 171 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•Single Muslim - Dedicated to introducing single Muslims online. We have the widest range of Muslim singles online and you can find your Muslim marriage partner online. (Added: 22-Jan-2008 Hits: 0 Rating: 7.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
•Singlemuslim.co.uk - Our goal is to use technology to provide the best possible help for Single Muslim members to increase their chances and opportunity of finding an ideal Muslim match for marriage. (Added: 24-Aug-2002 Hits: 1404 Rating: 7.07 Votes: 13) Rate It
•Tamil Muslim Matrimonial Site - Tamil Muslim Matrimonial Site (Added: 11-Mar-2005 Hits: 322 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
•The Muslim Attachment Parenting Page (Added: 25-Aug-01 Hits: 740 Rating: 6.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
•Two Muslims (Added: 20-Oct-2004 Hits: 1491 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 4) Rate It
•UK based Muslim Matrimonal/personals site for muslims - ukmuslimsingles.com is a uk based free matrimoinal/personals site for single muslims (Added: 5-Nov-2004 Hits: 1194 Rating: 10.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
•Zawijni.com Muslim Matrimonial Marriage Network - If you are seeking a husband or wife as an Islamic marriage partner then you have come to the right Muslim Marriage website. Muslim Marriage Link has been designed for the sole purpose of providing Muslims (Men and Women) of all ages who worship ALLAH and follow the teachings of the Qur'an and the Prophet PBUH. (Added: 10-May-2005 Hits: 1061 Rating: 8.67 Votes: 6) Rate It
•ZehirliOk.COM - Poisonous Arrow - "The (evil) gaze is a poisonous arrow from the arrows of Iblis. He that abstains from it out of my fear, I will grant him in return such Imaan (faith), the sweetness of which he will experience within his heart." (Added: 5-Nov-2007 Hits: 0 Rating: 0 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Ramai wanita terpelajar kahwin lelaki lebih muda
Rabu Oktober 11, 2006
Ramai wanita terpelajar kahwin lelaki lebih muda
Oleh SA'ODAH ELIAS
PENDIDIKAN memainkan peranan penting dalam pembangunan sesebuah negara. Pendidikan juga boleh mengubah trend dan sosio ekonomi dan budaya sesebuah negara itu.
Perubahan ini akan dapat dilihat lebih jelas di negara yang mana kaum wanitanya bukan sahaja celik huruf, malah ramai diantara mereka berpendidikan tinggi hingga ke tahap universiti.
Malaysia adalah antara negara yang kini melalui perubahan socio-ekonomi dan budaya yang ketara berikutan semakin ramai rakyat wanitanya yang dalam peringkat umur layak berkahwin, memilih untuk mengejar ilmu dan memantapkan kerjaya dan kedudukan ekonomi masing-masing daripada memulakan keluarga sendiri.
Sekumpulan pelajar wanita Islam di sebuah kampus sedang berbuka puasa tahun ini. Apakah mereka akan memilih lelaki yang lebih muda? (foto The Star)
Kajian Mengenai Penduduk dan Keluarga Kebangsaan terakhir yang dibuat dua tahun lalu jelas menunjukkan peningkatan fenomena kahwin lewat di kalangan wanita berpendidikan tinggi.
Pemangku Ketua Pengarah Lembaga Penduduk dan Pembangunan Keluarga Negara, Aminah Abdul Rahman berkata, fenomena itu juga telah memaksa semakin ramai wanita berpelajaran tinggi berkahwin dengan lelaki yang bukan sahaja lebih muda daripada mereka, tetapi juga mempunyai tahap pendidikan dan kedudukan ekonomi lebih rendah.
Merujuk kepada kertas kerja yang bertajuk 'Perkahwinan dan Pembentukan Keluarga di Malaysia' oleh Profesor Madya Tey Nai Peng dari Fakulti Ekonomi dan Pentadbiran, Universiti Malaya yang dibentangkan pada Seminar Kebangsaan bertemakan "Membina Generasi Masa Depan" baru-baru ini, Aminah berkata:
"Trend wanita berpendidikan tinggi berkahwin lelaki muda yang yang statusnya lebih rendah daripada mereka itu ketara di kalangan mereka yang berkahwin selepas melepasi umur 30 tahun."
Keadaan ini, katanya, berlaku kerana wanita dalam golongan itu sukar mencari pasangan yang setanding dengan mereka dari segi umur, pendidikan dan status ekonomi kerana kebanyakan lelaki yang memenuhi kriteria itu telahpun berkahwin.
Menurut kertas kerja itu lagi, lebih kurang 13% wanita berumur lebih 30 tahun dan berpendidikan tinggi di negara ini masih bujang. Peratusan wanita bujang pada umur lebih 30 tahun ialah 29% bagi masyarakat Cina, disusuli kaum India, 26% dan kaum Melayu sebanyak 16%.
Sekumpulan pelajar Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) berjalan sewaktu pilihan raya kampus itu bulan lepas. Pilihan hati pula, bagaimana? (foto The Star)
Tiga puluh peratus dariapda wanita yang masih bujang ini memberikan sebab lebih gemar berdikari sebagai alasan memilih untuk terus membujang, diikuti kesukaran mendapatkan pasangan sesuai sebagai alasan kedua tertinggi.
Bagi kaum lelaki yang membujang selepas umur 30 tahun pula, alasannya berbeza.
"Kebanyakan lelaki yang membujang selepas 30 tahun, iaitu 34.5% menyatakan isu ekonomi sebagai punca mereka tidak berkahwin, iaitu kos untuk berkahwin terlalu mahal. Ini diikuti mereka yang mengatakan tidak dapat mencari pasangan sesuai dan sebab-sebab lain," katanya.
Fenomena itu, kata Aminah, merupakan satu petunjuk mengenai keadaan keseluruhan masyarakat Malaysia yang kini lebih menerima perkahwinan antara wanita lebih tua dan lelaki lebih muda berbanding sebelumnya.
Keadaan ini juga, katanya, telah menyumbang pada penurunan kadar kesuburan masyarakat Malaysia yang jika tidak ditangani dengan baik boleh meninggalkan implikasi besar pada masa depan negara yang kini bersiap sedia untuk memasuki kategori negara maju dalam tempoh 15 tahun lagi.
"Kadar kesuburan sesebuah negara diukur berasaskan jumlah anak yang akan dilahirkan oleh seseorang wanita sepanjang hidupnya. Pada bancian kebangsaan pada 1991, jumlah itu ialah 3.3 orang anak bagi setiap wanita. Kadar itu menurun kepada 2.9 dalam bancian pada 2000 dan ia terus menurun lagi kepada hanya 2.6 pada kajian yang dijalankan dua tahun lalu itu.
"Sepanjang tempoh itu juga umur mula berkahwin bagi wanita juga semakin meningkat daripada 23 kepada 26 tahun sekarang dan ini memendekkan lagi tempoh kesuburan mereka untuk melahirkan anak.
"Jika fenomena ini berterusan, dalam tempoh antara 15 dan 20 tahun akan datang, kadar pertumbuhan penduduk di negara ini akan sampai ke tahap 2.1 bagi setiap wanita. Ini adalah paras penggantian, iaitu apabila kadar kelahiran bayi hanya cukup untuk mengganti ibu bapa mereka yang semakin berumur," jelasnya.
Aminah berkata, faktor lain menyumbang pada penurunan kadar kelahiran ialah peningkatan kos yang tinggi bagi melahir dan membesarkan anak, menyebabkan semakin ramai wanita merancang dengan teliti kelahiran anak mereka.
Dari segi etnik pula, katanya, kadar kelahiran adalah tinggi sedikit di kalangan masyarakat Melayu, sementara paling rendah di kalangan masyarakat Cina.
Ini, jelasnya, mungkin dipengaruhi oleh demografi penduduk di mana lebih ramai masyarakat China tinggal di kawasan bandar yang mana kos kehidupan lebih tinggi.
Bagi wanita Melayu pula, katanya, kadar anak yang lebih tinggi itu mungkin dipengaruhi faktor budaya di mana wanita muda Melayu mempunyai lebih besar kemungkinan mendapat bantuan dan sokongan membesarkan anak daripada ahli keluarga terdekat. Mereka juga dipengaruhi faktor agama yang menggalakkan wanita Melayu supaya menganggap anak sebagai rezeki.
Aminah berkata, walaupun penurunan kadar kesuburan adalah satu perkembangan yang memang selari di semua negara yang semakin maju, coraknya di negara ini tetap perlu diteliti dengan mendalam bagi memastikan ia memenuhi kehendak Dasar Kependudukan Negara dan keperluan tenaga kerja masa depan negara.
Ramai wanita terpelajar kahwin lelaki lebih muda
Oleh SA'ODAH ELIAS
PENDIDIKAN memainkan peranan penting dalam pembangunan sesebuah negara. Pendidikan juga boleh mengubah trend dan sosio ekonomi dan budaya sesebuah negara itu.
Perubahan ini akan dapat dilihat lebih jelas di negara yang mana kaum wanitanya bukan sahaja celik huruf, malah ramai diantara mereka berpendidikan tinggi hingga ke tahap universiti.
Malaysia adalah antara negara yang kini melalui perubahan socio-ekonomi dan budaya yang ketara berikutan semakin ramai rakyat wanitanya yang dalam peringkat umur layak berkahwin, memilih untuk mengejar ilmu dan memantapkan kerjaya dan kedudukan ekonomi masing-masing daripada memulakan keluarga sendiri.
Sekumpulan pelajar wanita Islam di sebuah kampus sedang berbuka puasa tahun ini. Apakah mereka akan memilih lelaki yang lebih muda? (foto The Star)
Kajian Mengenai Penduduk dan Keluarga Kebangsaan terakhir yang dibuat dua tahun lalu jelas menunjukkan peningkatan fenomena kahwin lewat di kalangan wanita berpendidikan tinggi.
Pemangku Ketua Pengarah Lembaga Penduduk dan Pembangunan Keluarga Negara, Aminah Abdul Rahman berkata, fenomena itu juga telah memaksa semakin ramai wanita berpelajaran tinggi berkahwin dengan lelaki yang bukan sahaja lebih muda daripada mereka, tetapi juga mempunyai tahap pendidikan dan kedudukan ekonomi lebih rendah.
Merujuk kepada kertas kerja yang bertajuk 'Perkahwinan dan Pembentukan Keluarga di Malaysia' oleh Profesor Madya Tey Nai Peng dari Fakulti Ekonomi dan Pentadbiran, Universiti Malaya yang dibentangkan pada Seminar Kebangsaan bertemakan "Membina Generasi Masa Depan" baru-baru ini, Aminah berkata:
"Trend wanita berpendidikan tinggi berkahwin lelaki muda yang yang statusnya lebih rendah daripada mereka itu ketara di kalangan mereka yang berkahwin selepas melepasi umur 30 tahun."
Keadaan ini, katanya, berlaku kerana wanita dalam golongan itu sukar mencari pasangan yang setanding dengan mereka dari segi umur, pendidikan dan status ekonomi kerana kebanyakan lelaki yang memenuhi kriteria itu telahpun berkahwin.
Menurut kertas kerja itu lagi, lebih kurang 13% wanita berumur lebih 30 tahun dan berpendidikan tinggi di negara ini masih bujang. Peratusan wanita bujang pada umur lebih 30 tahun ialah 29% bagi masyarakat Cina, disusuli kaum India, 26% dan kaum Melayu sebanyak 16%.
Sekumpulan pelajar Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) berjalan sewaktu pilihan raya kampus itu bulan lepas. Pilihan hati pula, bagaimana? (foto The Star)
Tiga puluh peratus dariapda wanita yang masih bujang ini memberikan sebab lebih gemar berdikari sebagai alasan memilih untuk terus membujang, diikuti kesukaran mendapatkan pasangan sesuai sebagai alasan kedua tertinggi.
Bagi kaum lelaki yang membujang selepas umur 30 tahun pula, alasannya berbeza.
"Kebanyakan lelaki yang membujang selepas 30 tahun, iaitu 34.5% menyatakan isu ekonomi sebagai punca mereka tidak berkahwin, iaitu kos untuk berkahwin terlalu mahal. Ini diikuti mereka yang mengatakan tidak dapat mencari pasangan sesuai dan sebab-sebab lain," katanya.
Fenomena itu, kata Aminah, merupakan satu petunjuk mengenai keadaan keseluruhan masyarakat Malaysia yang kini lebih menerima perkahwinan antara wanita lebih tua dan lelaki lebih muda berbanding sebelumnya.
Keadaan ini juga, katanya, telah menyumbang pada penurunan kadar kesuburan masyarakat Malaysia yang jika tidak ditangani dengan baik boleh meninggalkan implikasi besar pada masa depan negara yang kini bersiap sedia untuk memasuki kategori negara maju dalam tempoh 15 tahun lagi.
"Kadar kesuburan sesebuah negara diukur berasaskan jumlah anak yang akan dilahirkan oleh seseorang wanita sepanjang hidupnya. Pada bancian kebangsaan pada 1991, jumlah itu ialah 3.3 orang anak bagi setiap wanita. Kadar itu menurun kepada 2.9 dalam bancian pada 2000 dan ia terus menurun lagi kepada hanya 2.6 pada kajian yang dijalankan dua tahun lalu itu.
"Sepanjang tempoh itu juga umur mula berkahwin bagi wanita juga semakin meningkat daripada 23 kepada 26 tahun sekarang dan ini memendekkan lagi tempoh kesuburan mereka untuk melahirkan anak.
"Jika fenomena ini berterusan, dalam tempoh antara 15 dan 20 tahun akan datang, kadar pertumbuhan penduduk di negara ini akan sampai ke tahap 2.1 bagi setiap wanita. Ini adalah paras penggantian, iaitu apabila kadar kelahiran bayi hanya cukup untuk mengganti ibu bapa mereka yang semakin berumur," jelasnya.
Aminah berkata, faktor lain menyumbang pada penurunan kadar kelahiran ialah peningkatan kos yang tinggi bagi melahir dan membesarkan anak, menyebabkan semakin ramai wanita merancang dengan teliti kelahiran anak mereka.
Dari segi etnik pula, katanya, kadar kelahiran adalah tinggi sedikit di kalangan masyarakat Melayu, sementara paling rendah di kalangan masyarakat Cina.
Ini, jelasnya, mungkin dipengaruhi oleh demografi penduduk di mana lebih ramai masyarakat China tinggal di kawasan bandar yang mana kos kehidupan lebih tinggi.
Bagi wanita Melayu pula, katanya, kadar anak yang lebih tinggi itu mungkin dipengaruhi faktor budaya di mana wanita muda Melayu mempunyai lebih besar kemungkinan mendapat bantuan dan sokongan membesarkan anak daripada ahli keluarga terdekat. Mereka juga dipengaruhi faktor agama yang menggalakkan wanita Melayu supaya menganggap anak sebagai rezeki.
Aminah berkata, walaupun penurunan kadar kesuburan adalah satu perkembangan yang memang selari di semua negara yang semakin maju, coraknya di negara ini tetap perlu diteliti dengan mendalam bagi memastikan ia memenuhi kehendak Dasar Kependudukan Negara dan keperluan tenaga kerja masa depan negara.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Kahwin muda 'menular'
Kahwin muda 'menular'
Oleh Rashiqah Ilmi Abd Rahim
Isu pada Pertandingan Debat Pidato Keterampilan Bahasa
BERKAHWIN pada usia muda yang semakin membudaya dalam kehidupan masyarakat hari ini khususnya bangsa Melayu menjadi topik hangat perdebatan pemidato Pertandingan Debat Pidato Ketrampilan Bahasa dan Komunikasi.
Pertandingan bagi mengisi keperluan kursus Keterampilan Bahasa dan Komunikasi, pelajar tahun satu, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) itu, menyaksikan persaingan sengit enam peserta peringkat akhir dengan seorang daripada mereka bukan Melayu.
Peserta pada acara di Fakulti Sains Sosial dan Kemanusiaan (FSSK), UKM, Bangi, baru-baru ini, mengemukakan baik buruk budaya kahwin muda tanpa menafikan ia antara langkah yang dapat mengelakkan muda-mudi daripada terjerumus ke lembah maksiat.
Juara pidato, Shah Rezan Abdul Salam, mempertahankan pandangan bahawa kahwin muda dapat menyelesaikan masalah sosial dan mengajak masyarakat lebih terbuka dalam mengadili isu berkenaan.
“Sesetengah pihak menganggap kahwin muda sebagai perkahwinan atas dasar nafsu semata-mata, tetapi tidakkah ia lebih baik daripada membiarkan budaya berzina berkembang kepada golongan muda. Tepuk dada, tanya minda, sudah pasti kahwin muda lebih baik daripada berzina setiap hujung minggu,” jelasnya.
Bagi mempertahankan pandangannya itu, beliau turut berhujah gaya hidup remaja masa kini yang tidak lagi bersandar kepada budaya dan adab pergaulan orang timur, pergaulan bebas antara lelaki dan wanita bukan muhrim mengundang maksiat berleluasa, memerlukan pendekatan berkenaan.
“Saya tetap mempertahankan hujah saya ini dan ia isu relevan kerana tiada peraturan atau tuntutan syarak yang mengharam atau menegah seseorang daripada mendirikan rumah tangga pada usia muda,” katanya ketika berhujah.
Pemenang kedua, Pang Yi Chin, pula tidak bersetuju dengan senario perkahwinan muda kerana menganggap golongan remaja yang berusia kurang daripada 20 tahun masih mentah untuk mengharungi alam perkahwinan yang mencabar.
“Usia ini sepatutnya dimanfaatkan bagi menimba ilmu baik di alam persekolahan ataupun di universiti kerana kajian menunjukkan kewajaran berkahwin bagi lelaki ialah pada usia 25 hingga 28 tahun, manakala wanita pula antara 23 hingga 25 tahun,” katanya.
Kajian jelas menunjukkan bahawa kahwin awal tidak digalakkan sama sekali kerana pemikiran pasangan muda masih mentah dan belum mengenali dunia, selain generasi muda perlu memahami bahawa tanggungjawab suami isteri bukan suatu permainan.
“Berkahwin muda tidak sewajarnya membudaya dalam masyarakat kerana hasrat kerajaan untuk membentuk masyarakat berilmu, mungkin tidak akan tercapai jika masih ada remaja yang tercicir daripada alam persekolahan dan bergantung hidup semata-mata kepada perkahwinan,” jelasnya yang fasih berbahasa Melayu.
Pengadil pertandingan, Che Abdullah Che Ya, berpendapat budaya berkahwin muda menjadi budaya masyarakat masa kini kerana kebimbangan ibu bapa terhadap gejala sosial sehingga mendorong mereka merelakan anak berkahwin pada usia muda daripada terjerumus ke dalam lembah maksiat.
“Budaya ini sama seperti zaman pramerdeka, apabila zaman bujang ditamatkan seawal usia 14 tahun bagi wanita dan 18 tahun bagi lelaki dan perkara lumrah di kalangan semua kaum. Selepas merdeka, anak muda berlumba-lumba memantapkan ekonomi dan pendidikan.
“Lalu berkahwin lewat bukan lagi perkara memalukan, tetapi pada era globalisasi ini, kahwin muda kembali sebagai gaya hidup dan dibuktikan melalui Kajian Hubungan Etnik oleh sekumpulan pelajar tahun dua Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM),” ujarnya.
Kajian itu mendedahkan pergaulan bebas yang semakin berleluasa dikenal pasti sebagai faktor pemangkin kepada budaya kahwin muda dan dianggap sebagai jalan penyelesaian pasangan terlanjur demi menyelamatkan maruah keluarga.
“Kajian itu menunjukkan perkahwinan membabitkan pasangan berusia bawah 20 tahun semakin meningkat khususnya di kalangan orang Melayu,” katanya
Oleh Rashiqah Ilmi Abd Rahim
Isu pada Pertandingan Debat Pidato Keterampilan Bahasa
BERKAHWIN pada usia muda yang semakin membudaya dalam kehidupan masyarakat hari ini khususnya bangsa Melayu menjadi topik hangat perdebatan pemidato Pertandingan Debat Pidato Ketrampilan Bahasa dan Komunikasi.
Pertandingan bagi mengisi keperluan kursus Keterampilan Bahasa dan Komunikasi, pelajar tahun satu, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) itu, menyaksikan persaingan sengit enam peserta peringkat akhir dengan seorang daripada mereka bukan Melayu.
Peserta pada acara di Fakulti Sains Sosial dan Kemanusiaan (FSSK), UKM, Bangi, baru-baru ini, mengemukakan baik buruk budaya kahwin muda tanpa menafikan ia antara langkah yang dapat mengelakkan muda-mudi daripada terjerumus ke lembah maksiat.
Juara pidato, Shah Rezan Abdul Salam, mempertahankan pandangan bahawa kahwin muda dapat menyelesaikan masalah sosial dan mengajak masyarakat lebih terbuka dalam mengadili isu berkenaan.
“Sesetengah pihak menganggap kahwin muda sebagai perkahwinan atas dasar nafsu semata-mata, tetapi tidakkah ia lebih baik daripada membiarkan budaya berzina berkembang kepada golongan muda. Tepuk dada, tanya minda, sudah pasti kahwin muda lebih baik daripada berzina setiap hujung minggu,” jelasnya.
Bagi mempertahankan pandangannya itu, beliau turut berhujah gaya hidup remaja masa kini yang tidak lagi bersandar kepada budaya dan adab pergaulan orang timur, pergaulan bebas antara lelaki dan wanita bukan muhrim mengundang maksiat berleluasa, memerlukan pendekatan berkenaan.
“Saya tetap mempertahankan hujah saya ini dan ia isu relevan kerana tiada peraturan atau tuntutan syarak yang mengharam atau menegah seseorang daripada mendirikan rumah tangga pada usia muda,” katanya ketika berhujah.
Pemenang kedua, Pang Yi Chin, pula tidak bersetuju dengan senario perkahwinan muda kerana menganggap golongan remaja yang berusia kurang daripada 20 tahun masih mentah untuk mengharungi alam perkahwinan yang mencabar.
“Usia ini sepatutnya dimanfaatkan bagi menimba ilmu baik di alam persekolahan ataupun di universiti kerana kajian menunjukkan kewajaran berkahwin bagi lelaki ialah pada usia 25 hingga 28 tahun, manakala wanita pula antara 23 hingga 25 tahun,” katanya.
Kajian jelas menunjukkan bahawa kahwin awal tidak digalakkan sama sekali kerana pemikiran pasangan muda masih mentah dan belum mengenali dunia, selain generasi muda perlu memahami bahawa tanggungjawab suami isteri bukan suatu permainan.
“Berkahwin muda tidak sewajarnya membudaya dalam masyarakat kerana hasrat kerajaan untuk membentuk masyarakat berilmu, mungkin tidak akan tercapai jika masih ada remaja yang tercicir daripada alam persekolahan dan bergantung hidup semata-mata kepada perkahwinan,” jelasnya yang fasih berbahasa Melayu.
Pengadil pertandingan, Che Abdullah Che Ya, berpendapat budaya berkahwin muda menjadi budaya masyarakat masa kini kerana kebimbangan ibu bapa terhadap gejala sosial sehingga mendorong mereka merelakan anak berkahwin pada usia muda daripada terjerumus ke dalam lembah maksiat.
“Budaya ini sama seperti zaman pramerdeka, apabila zaman bujang ditamatkan seawal usia 14 tahun bagi wanita dan 18 tahun bagi lelaki dan perkara lumrah di kalangan semua kaum. Selepas merdeka, anak muda berlumba-lumba memantapkan ekonomi dan pendidikan.
“Lalu berkahwin lewat bukan lagi perkara memalukan, tetapi pada era globalisasi ini, kahwin muda kembali sebagai gaya hidup dan dibuktikan melalui Kajian Hubungan Etnik oleh sekumpulan pelajar tahun dua Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM),” ujarnya.
Kajian itu mendedahkan pergaulan bebas yang semakin berleluasa dikenal pasti sebagai faktor pemangkin kepada budaya kahwin muda dan dianggap sebagai jalan penyelesaian pasangan terlanjur demi menyelamatkan maruah keluarga.
“Kajian itu menunjukkan perkahwinan membabitkan pasangan berusia bawah 20 tahun semakin meningkat khususnya di kalangan orang Melayu,” katanya
Friday, October 16, 2009
Syokkahwin.com rujukan bakal pengantin
KELUARGA
ARKIB : 14/10/2009
Syokkahwin.com rujukan bakal pengantin
Oleh MERAN ABU BAKAR
Faisal Mohd Zabidy menunjukkan buku yang ditulisnya.
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HASRAT bagi memperoleh pendapatan sampingan yang lumayan mendorong Faisal Mohd. Zabidy menghasilkan sebuah portal yang tidak pernah difikirkan oleh orang lain.
Pengurus Pembangunan Perniagaan di sebuah syarikat korporat terkemuka di tanah air ini pernah mencuba menjalankan perniagaan pemasaran pelbagai peringkat (MLM), menjual produk melalui talian dan sebagainya.
Namun semua cara perniagaan tersebut tidak memberikan pulangan yang memberangsangkan.
Tidak berpuas hati dengan apa yang telah dilakukan, beliau mencuba pula cara lain walaupun masih belum pasti akan kejayaannya.
''Saya dapati terdapat satu ruang mengenai portal perkahwinan yang masih belum dipelopori di pasaran dan tidak dieksploitasi,'' ujar Faisal yang ditemui baru-baru ini.
Memilih untuk membuat portal mengenai persiapan perkahwinan daripada A hingga Z, Faisal menamakan portal yang ditubuhkannya pada tahun 2006 ini sebagai syokkahwin.com.
Menurut pemegang Ijazah Perakaunan daripada London School of Economics ini, portal tersebut unik kerana ia bukan sahaja mengisi sebarang maklumat perkahwinan tetapi juga mengenai gosip terkini artis-artis tempatan dan luar negara.
''Fokus saya pada ketika itu ialah bagi mencari satu jenis perniagaan yang tidak mengambil masa lama tetapi mampu memberikan keuntungan lumayan.
''Banyak buku motivasi yang saya baca bagi menambah pengetahuan dan mendapat idea. Daripada situ muncul idea untuk berniaga portal perkahwinan ini yang tidak ada banyak saingan.
"Daripada segi pemasaran pula, saya menimba ilmu daripada penulis Amerika Syarikat, Brian Tracy.
''Sebenarnya portal laman perkahwinan ini boleh diperkembangkan. Dengan adanya portal ini saya bukan sahaja mendapat pendapatan sampingan tetapi dapat menolong bakal pengantin dalam menguruskan majlis perkahwinan mereka,'' katanya.
Tambah Ketua Pegawai Eksekutif dan pemilik syokkahwin.com ini lagi, ramai bakal pengantin mempunyai banyak pilihan dalam mengadakan majlis perkahwinan mereka seperti hendak memilih lokasi, pelamin, baju pengantin, jurusolek, membuat hantaran, jurugambar, katering dan sebagainya.
Keliru
''Terlalu banyak pilihan membuatkan mereka keliru sehingga tidak tahu mana yang hendak dipilih dan bersesuaian dengan bajet mereka. Jadi melalui portal ini, saya membantu mereka membuat kajian dan memberi cadangan kepada mereka siapa yang sesuai mengikut perbelanjaan mereka.
''Kita sedia maklum, bakal pengantin memerlukan banyak wang dan mereka bimbang akan kekurangan wang untuk majlis. Pun begitu, mereka mahukan majlis perkahwinan mereka seperti impian yang telah dirancang lebih awal.
"Jadi dengan adanya portal ini, saya membuat pengurusan kewangan bagaimana bakal pengantin boleh berjimat dan dalam masa sama majlis perkahwinan mereka nampak menarik dan menggembirakan mereka.
''Bagi saya, industri perkahwinan ini sentiasa berkembang. Walaupun ekonomi merudum, harga barangan meningkat tinggi, hantaran tinggi dan sebagainya namun orang tetap juga berkahwin. Jadi di sinilah peranan syokkahwin.com dapat membantu bakal pengantin.
''Umpamanya dengan bajet serendah RM25,000, syokkahwin.com dapat membantu pasangan pengantin menguruskan perbelanjaan mereka seperti hantaran sebanyak RM8,888, kad kahwin, katering, jurugambar, pelamin, barangan hantaran dan cenderahati untuk tetamu.
''Setakat ini saya telah membantu lebih 100 pasangan pengantin di seluruh Malaysia dan menjalin hubungan yang baik dengan ramai pakar perunding perkahwinan tempatan terkenal,'' kata Faisal.
Katanya, bayaran yang dikenakan ke atas syarikat perunding perkahwinan yang mengiklankan produk mereka pada syokkahwin.com yang amat berpatutan iaitu antara serendah RM80 sehingga RM1,000 bergantung kepada saiz iklan.
Menurut bapa kepada seorang anak lelaki berusia lima bulan, Ian Rafique, pengiktirafan daripada pengusaha dan pakar perkahwinan memberikan kepuasan kepadanya apatah lagi portalnya terpilih sebagai media rasmi bagi pameran pengantin di MidValley selama dua tahun berurut-turut, iaitu pada tahun 2008 dan 2009 .
''Saya menyertai peraduan Gerbang Perkahwinan ini pun kerana ingin membina jenama syokkahwin.com agar dikenali ramai,'' katanya yang menjadikan perniagaan portal perkahwinan ini sebagai hobi.
Dalam kesibukannya, Faisal juga berjaya menghasilkan sebuah buku berjudul Rahsia Selebriti Berkahwin pada Bajet RM25,000.
Setakat ini, buku yang dijual pada harga RM24.90 ini telah pun terjual sebanyak 2,000 naskhah dan menjadi panduan kepada bakal-bakal pengantin yang inginkan majlis perkahwinan mereka seperti majlis perkahwinan artis.
Bagi mendapatkan maklumat lanjut boleh layari laman web www. syokkahwin.com.
ARKIB : 14/10/2009
Syokkahwin.com rujukan bakal pengantin
Oleh MERAN ABU BAKAR
Faisal Mohd Zabidy menunjukkan buku yang ditulisnya.
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HASRAT bagi memperoleh pendapatan sampingan yang lumayan mendorong Faisal Mohd. Zabidy menghasilkan sebuah portal yang tidak pernah difikirkan oleh orang lain.
Pengurus Pembangunan Perniagaan di sebuah syarikat korporat terkemuka di tanah air ini pernah mencuba menjalankan perniagaan pemasaran pelbagai peringkat (MLM), menjual produk melalui talian dan sebagainya.
Namun semua cara perniagaan tersebut tidak memberikan pulangan yang memberangsangkan.
Tidak berpuas hati dengan apa yang telah dilakukan, beliau mencuba pula cara lain walaupun masih belum pasti akan kejayaannya.
''Saya dapati terdapat satu ruang mengenai portal perkahwinan yang masih belum dipelopori di pasaran dan tidak dieksploitasi,'' ujar Faisal yang ditemui baru-baru ini.
Memilih untuk membuat portal mengenai persiapan perkahwinan daripada A hingga Z, Faisal menamakan portal yang ditubuhkannya pada tahun 2006 ini sebagai syokkahwin.com.
Menurut pemegang Ijazah Perakaunan daripada London School of Economics ini, portal tersebut unik kerana ia bukan sahaja mengisi sebarang maklumat perkahwinan tetapi juga mengenai gosip terkini artis-artis tempatan dan luar negara.
''Fokus saya pada ketika itu ialah bagi mencari satu jenis perniagaan yang tidak mengambil masa lama tetapi mampu memberikan keuntungan lumayan.
''Banyak buku motivasi yang saya baca bagi menambah pengetahuan dan mendapat idea. Daripada situ muncul idea untuk berniaga portal perkahwinan ini yang tidak ada banyak saingan.
"Daripada segi pemasaran pula, saya menimba ilmu daripada penulis Amerika Syarikat, Brian Tracy.
''Sebenarnya portal laman perkahwinan ini boleh diperkembangkan. Dengan adanya portal ini saya bukan sahaja mendapat pendapatan sampingan tetapi dapat menolong bakal pengantin dalam menguruskan majlis perkahwinan mereka,'' katanya.
Tambah Ketua Pegawai Eksekutif dan pemilik syokkahwin.com ini lagi, ramai bakal pengantin mempunyai banyak pilihan dalam mengadakan majlis perkahwinan mereka seperti hendak memilih lokasi, pelamin, baju pengantin, jurusolek, membuat hantaran, jurugambar, katering dan sebagainya.
Keliru
''Terlalu banyak pilihan membuatkan mereka keliru sehingga tidak tahu mana yang hendak dipilih dan bersesuaian dengan bajet mereka. Jadi melalui portal ini, saya membantu mereka membuat kajian dan memberi cadangan kepada mereka siapa yang sesuai mengikut perbelanjaan mereka.
''Kita sedia maklum, bakal pengantin memerlukan banyak wang dan mereka bimbang akan kekurangan wang untuk majlis. Pun begitu, mereka mahukan majlis perkahwinan mereka seperti impian yang telah dirancang lebih awal.
"Jadi dengan adanya portal ini, saya membuat pengurusan kewangan bagaimana bakal pengantin boleh berjimat dan dalam masa sama majlis perkahwinan mereka nampak menarik dan menggembirakan mereka.
''Bagi saya, industri perkahwinan ini sentiasa berkembang. Walaupun ekonomi merudum, harga barangan meningkat tinggi, hantaran tinggi dan sebagainya namun orang tetap juga berkahwin. Jadi di sinilah peranan syokkahwin.com dapat membantu bakal pengantin.
''Umpamanya dengan bajet serendah RM25,000, syokkahwin.com dapat membantu pasangan pengantin menguruskan perbelanjaan mereka seperti hantaran sebanyak RM8,888, kad kahwin, katering, jurugambar, pelamin, barangan hantaran dan cenderahati untuk tetamu.
''Setakat ini saya telah membantu lebih 100 pasangan pengantin di seluruh Malaysia dan menjalin hubungan yang baik dengan ramai pakar perunding perkahwinan tempatan terkenal,'' kata Faisal.
Katanya, bayaran yang dikenakan ke atas syarikat perunding perkahwinan yang mengiklankan produk mereka pada syokkahwin.com yang amat berpatutan iaitu antara serendah RM80 sehingga RM1,000 bergantung kepada saiz iklan.
Menurut bapa kepada seorang anak lelaki berusia lima bulan, Ian Rafique, pengiktirafan daripada pengusaha dan pakar perkahwinan memberikan kepuasan kepadanya apatah lagi portalnya terpilih sebagai media rasmi bagi pameran pengantin di MidValley selama dua tahun berurut-turut, iaitu pada tahun 2008 dan 2009 .
''Saya menyertai peraduan Gerbang Perkahwinan ini pun kerana ingin membina jenama syokkahwin.com agar dikenali ramai,'' katanya yang menjadikan perniagaan portal perkahwinan ini sebagai hobi.
Dalam kesibukannya, Faisal juga berjaya menghasilkan sebuah buku berjudul Rahsia Selebriti Berkahwin pada Bajet RM25,000.
Setakat ini, buku yang dijual pada harga RM24.90 ini telah pun terjual sebanyak 2,000 naskhah dan menjadi panduan kepada bakal-bakal pengantin yang inginkan majlis perkahwinan mereka seperti majlis perkahwinan artis.
Bagi mendapatkan maklumat lanjut boleh layari laman web www. syokkahwin.com.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Busana Muslimah bekerjaya
Busana Muslimah bekerjaya
Oleh Nor Affizar Ibrahim
affizar@bharian.com.my
Wanita seharusnya ada falsafah tersendiri dalam mematuhi lunas Islam ketika bergaya
HARI ini, semakin ramai wanita menyertai sektor pekerjaan dan jumlah mereka yang menyandang jawatan tinggi, khususnya pada peringkat pengurusan serta profesional juga kian meningkat.
Sebagai individu yang mempunyai kerjaya mantap, mereka seharusnya perlu membina imej masing-masing dan sentiasa memastikan diri kemas bergaya apabila kaki melangkah ke pejabat atau ke tempat kerja. Ini kerana cara wanita menampilkan diri ketika bekerja dikatakan, mempunyai fungsinya sendiri dalam menentukan sejauh mana keupayaan sebenar mereka memikul tanggungjawab yang diberikan.
Seorang wanita yang menyandang jawatan tinggi misalnya, akan kelihatan lebih berwibawa jika dia memakai pakaian yang sesuai dengan tugasnya kerana pakaian dan cara berpakaian adalah suatu tambahan untuk membantu menyerlahkan kewibawaan seseorang wanita bekerja, khususnya yang menyandang jawatan tinggi atau pun mempunyai kedudukan.
Jika mengimbas kembali sekitar 1970-an, dunia fesyen menyaksikan wanita Barat yang bekerja senang sekali mengenakan jaket, blaus kolar tinggi dan skirt sebagai pakaian yang paling kerap digayakan ke pejabat. Fesyen seperti itu seolah-olah menggambarkan wanita bekerja mahu dirinya dipandang sama dan setanding dengan keupayaan pekerja lelaki.
Ketika itu jumlah wanita bekerja memang tidak ramai. Bagaimanapun, perubahan dalam dunia pekerjaan berikutan peningkatan jumlah wanita bekerja turut memberi kesan tersendiri dalam fesyen yang dipakai.
Hakikatnya, wanita yang bekerja adalah penggerak utama dunia fesyen. Golongan itu sentiasa memberi perhatian terhadap penampilan diri masing-masing kerana selain kecekapan dan kebolehan bekerja, kerjaya juga mengutamakan gaya dan personaliti.
Bagaimanapun, bagi wanita Islam berkerjaya, dalam memenuhi dan mencari-cari penampilan fesyen yang bersesuaian, mereka seharusnya ada falsafah tersendiri dan sewajarnya dijadikan panduan.
Perunding Imej wanita Muslimah dan Pengarah Atim-Agoy Boutique, Hamadah Datuk Ghazali, berkata wanita berkerjaya yang bertudung tidak salah bergaya ke tempat kerja, malah ia satu keperluan bagi memperlihatkan keindahan dalam Islam apabila berpakaian.
Bagaimanapun, katanya prinsip kesederhanaan seharusnya dijadikan panduan untuk melahirkan penampilan diingini, di samping mengambil kira kesesuaian pakaian itu sendiri yang semestinya mengikut syariat Islam dan sudah ditentukan serta suasana sekitar.
“Tidak kira apa yang kita lakukan, ia perlulah kelihatan sempurna. Begitu juga apabila berpakaian ke tempat kerja, sebaik-baiknya perlulah menonjolkan gaya yang bersesuaian dan kena pada tempatnya. Lagipun, tidak ada sebab wanita Muslimah menjadi tidak cantik semata-mata kerana bertudung.
“Wanita Islam tetap hebat dan ada martabat tersendiri tanpa perlu mendedahkan apa yang tidak sewajarnya. Selain berpakaian sederhana, kesopanan harus dititikberatkan, manakala keanggunan pakaian juga perlu diambil kira. Ini bermakna, untuk kelihatan anggun dan mendapat keredaan Tuhan, kedua-dua itu hendaklah berjalan seiring,” katanya.
Hamadah turut menegaskan, menutup aurat bukan bermakna seseorang Muslim itu akan kelihatan suram, tidak punya cita rasa atau memburukkan wajah sebaliknya jika pandai mengenakan pelbagai gaya, mereka tetap terserlah.
Katanya, imej bukanlah segala-galanya, tetapi tanpa imej, tidak akan wujud sesuatu yang bernilai pada diri seseorang itu. Justeru, apa yang penting seseorang itu harus memahami dan seterusnya menghayati konsep pemakaian pakaian mengikut lunas Islam.
“Pengetahuan asas dalam berpakaian adalah penting dan ini tidak terkecuali dalam aturan bagi pemakaian wanita Muslimah yang bekerja. Perlu juga diingatkan bahawa dengan bertudung, seseorang wanita Muslim bukan saja dapat menutup segala kekurangan mereka, tetapi juga dapat menambah kejelitaan kepada mereka sedia jelita. Saya juga percaya, dengan sedikit kreativiti, keanggunan akan menyerlah setiap kali anda pergi ke tempat kerja dan berjumpa atau berurusan dengan orang lain,” katanya.
Berkongsi mengenai fesyen dan gaya pakaian sesuai untuk wanita bertudung yang berkerjaya, Hamadah yang juga pengasas Atim-Agoy Boutique dan banyak mengetengahkan koleksi fesyen busana khusus untuk wanita Muslimah berkerjaya, berkata kebanyakan wanita menggemari baju kurung kerana ia kelihatan sopan dan sesuai untuk ke pejabat. Namun, tidak kurang juga yang memilih fesyen pakaian Barat untuk ke pejabat.
Katanya, sama ada wanita berusia mahupun anak muda boleh memilih apa saja gaya mengikut keselesaan masing-masing seperti baju kurung, blaus dan jaket yang digandingkan bersama celana panjang atau sarung serta gaun labuh potongan kontemporari.
“Paling penting, fesyen kualiti pemakaian mestilah setaraf dengan gaya korporat. Misalnya, jika memakai baju kurung dan ingin menampakkan gaya profesional atau korporat, ia boleh digandingkan dengan jaket labuh separas atau pun melepasi paras baju kurung dipakai. Barulah nampak lebih anggun. Jangan sekali-kali menggayakan baju kurung dengan jaket pendek kerana gandingan seperti itu tidak menampakkan gaya profesional.
“Selain itu blaus labuh gaya potongan jaket labuh juga menarik digayakan dengan sarung. Anak muda juga menarik menggayakan jaket potongan pendek, tetapi pastikan ia melepasi bawah paras punggung kerana ia lebih menepati untuk menurut syariat Islam,” katanya.
Hamadah berkata, untuk tampil lebih bergaya sebaik-baiknya pilih fabrik yang bercorak minimum atau polos. Meskipun kain berkenaan langsung tidak bercorak, ia tetap menampilkan kehebatan si pemakai dengan syarat, penggunaan tudung yang bersesuaian perlu diberikan keutamaan.
Mengenai pilihan warna pula, katanya, asalkan individu berkenaan tahu prinsip asas berpakaian dalam Islam, ia menjadikannya mudah memilih dan menyesuaikan warna yang digemari. Apatah lagi, pada masa kini wanita bertudung juga sudah berani memilih rona garang dan ceria. Pemilihan seperti itu, secara tidak langsung membantu menampilkan personaliti lebih tegas dan matang si pemakai.
INFO: Panduan untuk gaya lebih anggun bagi wanita kerjaya yang memilih gaya menutup aurat
Pakaian yang sesuai dipakai untuk wanita kerjaya tidak seharusnya melebihi tiga warna, tetapi dua warna adalah yang paling baik. Ingatlah, memakai pakaian melebihi tiga warna, kesannya adalah kurang.
Tekstil yang sesuai dipakai ke pejabat juga tidak boleh daripada jenis kain berkilat seperti satin atau sifon kerana jenis kain itu mengikut bentuk badan. Lebih baik jika memilih fabrik yang memberi keselesaan
Pakaian tradisional seperti baju kurung hendaklah dengan kombinasi warna yang sesuai. Pakaian ini menjadi pilihan yang baik untuk mereka yang enggan memakai pakaian Barat.
Pilihan pakaian tidak seharusnya terikat dengan fesyen tertentu atau warna tertentu saja kerana ia akan membuat dunia fesyen untuk ke pejabat menjadi hambar dan tidak mendatangkan semangat ketika bekerja.
* Warna semula jadi akan membuat anda tampak lebih anggun. Pilihan yang sesuai antaranya ialah krim, hitam, coklat, kelabu ataupun biru tua.
Sebaik-baiknya hindari motif flora untuk busana muslim ke pejabat. Motif polos dengan warna tegas akan memberikan kesan lebih profesional dan juga mudah untuk di suai padan.
Fesyen turut membabitkan bukan saja pakaian tetapi juga pemilihan aksesori yang tepat dan warna kasut yang sesuai serta gaya ikatan tudung dan gaya mengemaskannya..
Untuk penutup kepala, sebaiknya hindari motif yang serabut. Tetapi tidak harus yang polos kerana anda tetap memerlukan variasi agar tidak kelihatan membosankan. Sebagai pilihan pilih saja yang ada sedikit motif di tepinya.
Untuk tudung pilih warna yang lembut dan hindari warna putih polos kerana akan membuatkan anda seperti memakai seragam sekolah di samping cepat kotor.
Oleh Nor Affizar Ibrahim
affizar@bharian.com.my
Wanita seharusnya ada falsafah tersendiri dalam mematuhi lunas Islam ketika bergaya
HARI ini, semakin ramai wanita menyertai sektor pekerjaan dan jumlah mereka yang menyandang jawatan tinggi, khususnya pada peringkat pengurusan serta profesional juga kian meningkat.
Sebagai individu yang mempunyai kerjaya mantap, mereka seharusnya perlu membina imej masing-masing dan sentiasa memastikan diri kemas bergaya apabila kaki melangkah ke pejabat atau ke tempat kerja. Ini kerana cara wanita menampilkan diri ketika bekerja dikatakan, mempunyai fungsinya sendiri dalam menentukan sejauh mana keupayaan sebenar mereka memikul tanggungjawab yang diberikan.
Seorang wanita yang menyandang jawatan tinggi misalnya, akan kelihatan lebih berwibawa jika dia memakai pakaian yang sesuai dengan tugasnya kerana pakaian dan cara berpakaian adalah suatu tambahan untuk membantu menyerlahkan kewibawaan seseorang wanita bekerja, khususnya yang menyandang jawatan tinggi atau pun mempunyai kedudukan.
Jika mengimbas kembali sekitar 1970-an, dunia fesyen menyaksikan wanita Barat yang bekerja senang sekali mengenakan jaket, blaus kolar tinggi dan skirt sebagai pakaian yang paling kerap digayakan ke pejabat. Fesyen seperti itu seolah-olah menggambarkan wanita bekerja mahu dirinya dipandang sama dan setanding dengan keupayaan pekerja lelaki.
Ketika itu jumlah wanita bekerja memang tidak ramai. Bagaimanapun, perubahan dalam dunia pekerjaan berikutan peningkatan jumlah wanita bekerja turut memberi kesan tersendiri dalam fesyen yang dipakai.
Hakikatnya, wanita yang bekerja adalah penggerak utama dunia fesyen. Golongan itu sentiasa memberi perhatian terhadap penampilan diri masing-masing kerana selain kecekapan dan kebolehan bekerja, kerjaya juga mengutamakan gaya dan personaliti.
Bagaimanapun, bagi wanita Islam berkerjaya, dalam memenuhi dan mencari-cari penampilan fesyen yang bersesuaian, mereka seharusnya ada falsafah tersendiri dan sewajarnya dijadikan panduan.
Perunding Imej wanita Muslimah dan Pengarah Atim-Agoy Boutique, Hamadah Datuk Ghazali, berkata wanita berkerjaya yang bertudung tidak salah bergaya ke tempat kerja, malah ia satu keperluan bagi memperlihatkan keindahan dalam Islam apabila berpakaian.
Bagaimanapun, katanya prinsip kesederhanaan seharusnya dijadikan panduan untuk melahirkan penampilan diingini, di samping mengambil kira kesesuaian pakaian itu sendiri yang semestinya mengikut syariat Islam dan sudah ditentukan serta suasana sekitar.
“Tidak kira apa yang kita lakukan, ia perlulah kelihatan sempurna. Begitu juga apabila berpakaian ke tempat kerja, sebaik-baiknya perlulah menonjolkan gaya yang bersesuaian dan kena pada tempatnya. Lagipun, tidak ada sebab wanita Muslimah menjadi tidak cantik semata-mata kerana bertudung.
“Wanita Islam tetap hebat dan ada martabat tersendiri tanpa perlu mendedahkan apa yang tidak sewajarnya. Selain berpakaian sederhana, kesopanan harus dititikberatkan, manakala keanggunan pakaian juga perlu diambil kira. Ini bermakna, untuk kelihatan anggun dan mendapat keredaan Tuhan, kedua-dua itu hendaklah berjalan seiring,” katanya.
Hamadah turut menegaskan, menutup aurat bukan bermakna seseorang Muslim itu akan kelihatan suram, tidak punya cita rasa atau memburukkan wajah sebaliknya jika pandai mengenakan pelbagai gaya, mereka tetap terserlah.
Katanya, imej bukanlah segala-galanya, tetapi tanpa imej, tidak akan wujud sesuatu yang bernilai pada diri seseorang itu. Justeru, apa yang penting seseorang itu harus memahami dan seterusnya menghayati konsep pemakaian pakaian mengikut lunas Islam.
“Pengetahuan asas dalam berpakaian adalah penting dan ini tidak terkecuali dalam aturan bagi pemakaian wanita Muslimah yang bekerja. Perlu juga diingatkan bahawa dengan bertudung, seseorang wanita Muslim bukan saja dapat menutup segala kekurangan mereka, tetapi juga dapat menambah kejelitaan kepada mereka sedia jelita. Saya juga percaya, dengan sedikit kreativiti, keanggunan akan menyerlah setiap kali anda pergi ke tempat kerja dan berjumpa atau berurusan dengan orang lain,” katanya.
Berkongsi mengenai fesyen dan gaya pakaian sesuai untuk wanita bertudung yang berkerjaya, Hamadah yang juga pengasas Atim-Agoy Boutique dan banyak mengetengahkan koleksi fesyen busana khusus untuk wanita Muslimah berkerjaya, berkata kebanyakan wanita menggemari baju kurung kerana ia kelihatan sopan dan sesuai untuk ke pejabat. Namun, tidak kurang juga yang memilih fesyen pakaian Barat untuk ke pejabat.
Katanya, sama ada wanita berusia mahupun anak muda boleh memilih apa saja gaya mengikut keselesaan masing-masing seperti baju kurung, blaus dan jaket yang digandingkan bersama celana panjang atau sarung serta gaun labuh potongan kontemporari.
“Paling penting, fesyen kualiti pemakaian mestilah setaraf dengan gaya korporat. Misalnya, jika memakai baju kurung dan ingin menampakkan gaya profesional atau korporat, ia boleh digandingkan dengan jaket labuh separas atau pun melepasi paras baju kurung dipakai. Barulah nampak lebih anggun. Jangan sekali-kali menggayakan baju kurung dengan jaket pendek kerana gandingan seperti itu tidak menampakkan gaya profesional.
“Selain itu blaus labuh gaya potongan jaket labuh juga menarik digayakan dengan sarung. Anak muda juga menarik menggayakan jaket potongan pendek, tetapi pastikan ia melepasi bawah paras punggung kerana ia lebih menepati untuk menurut syariat Islam,” katanya.
Hamadah berkata, untuk tampil lebih bergaya sebaik-baiknya pilih fabrik yang bercorak minimum atau polos. Meskipun kain berkenaan langsung tidak bercorak, ia tetap menampilkan kehebatan si pemakai dengan syarat, penggunaan tudung yang bersesuaian perlu diberikan keutamaan.
Mengenai pilihan warna pula, katanya, asalkan individu berkenaan tahu prinsip asas berpakaian dalam Islam, ia menjadikannya mudah memilih dan menyesuaikan warna yang digemari. Apatah lagi, pada masa kini wanita bertudung juga sudah berani memilih rona garang dan ceria. Pemilihan seperti itu, secara tidak langsung membantu menampilkan personaliti lebih tegas dan matang si pemakai.
INFO: Panduan untuk gaya lebih anggun bagi wanita kerjaya yang memilih gaya menutup aurat
Pakaian yang sesuai dipakai untuk wanita kerjaya tidak seharusnya melebihi tiga warna, tetapi dua warna adalah yang paling baik. Ingatlah, memakai pakaian melebihi tiga warna, kesannya adalah kurang.
Tekstil yang sesuai dipakai ke pejabat juga tidak boleh daripada jenis kain berkilat seperti satin atau sifon kerana jenis kain itu mengikut bentuk badan. Lebih baik jika memilih fabrik yang memberi keselesaan
Pakaian tradisional seperti baju kurung hendaklah dengan kombinasi warna yang sesuai. Pakaian ini menjadi pilihan yang baik untuk mereka yang enggan memakai pakaian Barat.
Pilihan pakaian tidak seharusnya terikat dengan fesyen tertentu atau warna tertentu saja kerana ia akan membuat dunia fesyen untuk ke pejabat menjadi hambar dan tidak mendatangkan semangat ketika bekerja.
* Warna semula jadi akan membuat anda tampak lebih anggun. Pilihan yang sesuai antaranya ialah krim, hitam, coklat, kelabu ataupun biru tua.
Sebaik-baiknya hindari motif flora untuk busana muslim ke pejabat. Motif polos dengan warna tegas akan memberikan kesan lebih profesional dan juga mudah untuk di suai padan.
Fesyen turut membabitkan bukan saja pakaian tetapi juga pemilihan aksesori yang tepat dan warna kasut yang sesuai serta gaya ikatan tudung dan gaya mengemaskannya..
Untuk penutup kepala, sebaiknya hindari motif yang serabut. Tetapi tidak harus yang polos kerana anda tetap memerlukan variasi agar tidak kelihatan membosankan. Sebagai pilihan pilih saja yang ada sedikit motif di tepinya.
Untuk tudung pilih warna yang lembut dan hindari warna putih polos kerana akan membuatkan anda seperti memakai seragam sekolah di samping cepat kotor.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Proposed Payment
Proposed Payment Information & Modes of Payment
Note: By becoming a paid member, you will get the contact information of the other members.
Bronze - 1 Month: 20 RM
Silver - 3 Months: 50 RM
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PAYMENT MODES
1. Pay by Credit Card / Debit Card / Prepay Card: Login to your account and make payment by clicking on the 'Payment' button in 'My Account'.
2. Checks and Bank Transfers:
If you prefer, you can pay for your order by mailing us a check.
Simply email your profile online at http://www.halalmatch.com
Bank Transfer should be made to:
Bank:
Account Number:
Account Name:
Kindly send us an email with your ID and the mode of payment to
Note: By becoming a paid member, you will get the contact information of the other members.
Bronze - 1 Month: 20 RM
Silver - 3 Months: 50 RM
Gold - 6 Months: 80 RM
Platinum - 1 Year: 100 RM
PAYMENT MODES
1. Pay by Credit Card / Debit Card / Prepay Card: Login to your account and make payment by clicking on the 'Payment' button in 'My Account'.
2. Checks and Bank Transfers:
If you prefer, you can pay for your order by mailing us a check.
Simply email your profile online at http://www.halalmatch.com
Bank Transfer should be made to:
Bank:
Account Number:
Account Name:
Kindly send us an email with your ID and the mode of payment to
Sex in Islam - Its Role and Purpose
Sex in Islam - Its Role and Purpose
by Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills
In the Islamic faith, the first and the foremost and the most reliable and highest form of religious law for faithful Muslims is contained within the holy Qur'an. The Prophetic Traditions (also known as Hadith, which are the sayings and doings and tacit approval of things said or done in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h.)(1) are a second source of law. With that said, we hope the following reply will answer your question.
According to Islam, procreation is not the sole and only purpose of marriage. While procreation is a primary purpose, companionship and enjoyment of the spouse along with avoidance of unlawful or sinful relationships are also secondary purposes. These secondary purposes play their own important roles in the Islamic teachings which govern sexual relations. In other words, although procreation is definitely an aim, it is not an exclusive aim. Procreation is the major purpose, but nonetheless enjoyment and other purposes also play significant roles in married life as evidenced by the Islamic teachings which relate to sexual relations.
Although the primary purpose of sex is procreation, the Qur'an does not forbid it when a woman reaches menopause. For example, in the Qur'an is the story is about the Prophet Zakariya a.s.(2) (Christian spelling -- Zakaria) [see Qur'an 19:1-15] who had fathered a child well into his old age. One verse in particular reads:
"He [Zakariya] said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son, when my wife is barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?" [Qur'an 19:8]
"He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord saith, "That is easy for Me: I did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!" [Qur'an 19:9]
The Qur'anic reference above, then, shows the case of a couple carrying on sexual relations well into old age. This in turn signifies that these relations are allowed within marriage and into old age for Muslim couples.
You will recall that this same story is found in the Old Testament with reference to Zakaria a.s. who was made to be mute for three days and nights as a sign from God.
In this connection, it is interesting to note that even in our relatively recent times, history has recorded the fact that the great Sufi Shaikh, Abdul Qadir Gilani r.a., was born on the 1st day of Ramadan 470 A.H [some historians say 471 A.H] which corresponds to March 18, 1078 A.D. His mother was 60 years of age at the time of his birth.
In terms of the Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. we can see another meaningful example of this in the life of the Prophet. The Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. married his first wife (Khadija aged 40) when he was 25 years old, and he remained monogamous throughout his entire 26 years of marriage to her. He then married A'isha at the age of 54, but this was three years after the death of Khadija. It was after this marriage that he then took other wives. By the way, many non-Muslim writers have directed a great deal of unjust criticism against him for this. In fact all of these women were quite old or were widows who had been left destitute and without protection during those troubled times. And so as the head of State at Medina, the only proper way (according to Arab code) in which Muhammad p.b.u.h. could extend both protection and maintenance to them was by marriage.(3) [see also Appendix A] Those marriages were not only consummated, but ancillary sexual relations have also been reported to us through the Hadith literature. Hence another proof that sexual relations are considered acceptable well into old age. "Polygamy was not always considered to be so reprehensible as it is now. For example, St. Augustine himself observed that there was no intrinsic immorality or sinfulness in it, and declared that polygamy was not a crime where it was the legal institution of a country."(4) This subject matter, however, is another topic altogether. [see also Appendix B]
We have reproduced an excerpt on our website by Dr. M.A. Rauf from his book 'Marriage in Islam'. In this excerpt, Dr. Rauf discusses in great detail the advantages and possible disadvantages of marriage. Among the advantages that he discusses are procreation, fulfilment of the natural urge, companionship, comfort and relief to the soul, and so on. He also discusses the disadvantages and the types of burdens and risks involved with marriage. All of the advantages or benefits are in effect meant to be regarded as the secondary purpose of marriage which supplement its major aim or purpose, namely procreation. We would highly recommend that you read this excerpt for a more complete understanding of our present response to you.
With regards to your question regarding menopause, we would also strongly suggest that you read the book "The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam" by Imam al-Ghazzali. (5) [see also Appendix C] We would particularly refer you to where al-Ghazzali explains the rationale and reasoning for the recommendation of marriage - even for the impotent. In his Conclusion, al-Ghazzali discusses the other purposes of marriage and that is to fulfil the natural sexual desires as well as to experience its joy and protection from the perils of lust.
If one cohabits with one's own wife -- not for carnal pleasure alone, but for performing the duty imposed by God -- it would be an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure and reward from God and this is as the Prophet p.b.u.h. has observed. This is what has been described as spiritualizing temporal duties. [see also Appendix D] You might also refer to where Imam al-Ghazzali discusses the subject of relaxation and recreation for the soul and so on.
Islam also prescribes certain rules of sexual etiquette. Imam al-Ghazzali also sets out the PropheticTraditions which deal with the pleasures of 'foreplay' and other similar enjoyments that are permitted when the wife is menstruating. Not permitted, however, is to go so far as to copulate by means of penetration into the vagina during menstruation.
Islam has declared fornication (which by definition in Islam includes adultery) unlawful, and it goes to great lengths to make it repugnant by sanction and deterrent. It has even gone so far as to make any alliances of this type of unlawful sexual relationship a heinous sin and an odious offence. In other words, sexual relations of any kind, that fall outside of lawful marriage, are absolutely forbidden. For example:
"Nor come nigh to adultery for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)." [Qur'an 17:32]
"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication - flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment." [Qur'an 24:2]
"Those who bring the charge of adultery against chaste women but cannot produce four witnesses to prove the charge, give them 80 lashes and their testimony should never be believed." [Qur'an 24:4]
Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]:
1. "Said the Prophet: 'A grievously heinous sin in the estimation of God is to commit adultery with a woman living in one's neighbourhood'" [Bukhari & Muslim]
2. " He or she who casts a lewd glance at another and allows himself or herself to be attracted likewise, both meet the displeasure of God." [Dailami]
3. "There is nothing which God abhors more than adultery."
4. "Observed the Prophet: 'Whenever a calamity befalls a centre of population, take it for granted that immorality is rampant in that place.' [Dailami]
More Qur'anic quotes and Hadith:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Qur'an 30:21]
"And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." [Qur'an 25:74]
"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will." [Qur'an 2:223]
Hadith: "Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: Ibn Umar misunderstood (the Qur'anic verse, "So come to your tilth however you will") - may Allah forgive him. The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were idolaters, lived in the company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. They (the Ansar) accepted their superiority over themselves in respect of knowledge and the followed most of their actions. The people of the Book (i.e., the Jews) used to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e., lying on their backs). This was the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women. This clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of the Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.
When the muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her, but she disliked it, and said to him: We were approached on one side (i.e. lying on the back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. The matter of theirs spread widely and it reached the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him).
So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e., from in front, from behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the place of the delivery of the child, i.e., the vagina." [from the Hadith literature: Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2159]
"Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments." [Qur'an 2:187]
"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her . . ." [Qur'an 7:189]
"And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?" [Qur'an 16:72]
Hadith: On the authority of Abu Dharr : Some of the companions of the messenger of Allah said :" O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards, they pray as we pray they fast as we fast, and they give away in charity the superfluity of their wealth." He said:" Has not Allah made things for you to give away in charity ? Every tasbihah is a charity, every takbirah is a charity, every tahmidah is a charity, and every tahlilah is a charity, to enjoin a good action is a charity, to forbid an evil action is a charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is a charity." They said: "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for that?" He said: "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully he would be sinning ? Likewise, if he has acted upon it lawfully he will have a reward." [Muslim]
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Appendix A
From "Life of Muhammad" by A.H. Hamid Siddiqui. Hilal Publications, Calcutta 1981. Pages 243-247.
Marriages of the Holy Prophet
"He was hardly twenty-five years of age when he married Khadijah, who was fifteen years older than himself. It was with her and her alone that he passed all the years of his youth and manhood until she died three years before Hijra, when he was already a man of fifty. After the sad demise of Khadijah, he again went in for a widow, this time a helpless one in great distress. She was one of the earliest converts to Islam who had suffered many hardships for the cause of Truth.
The Holy Prophet married A'ishah, the daughter of his devoted friend Abu Bakr. She was the only virgin wife of Muhammad (peace be upon him).
Events took a very serious turn in Medina. The enmity of the Quraysh resulted in armed battles in which so many of the noble Muslims fell as martyrs. It was, therefore, the bounden duty of the Holy Prophet and his companions to alleviate the sufferings of the widows and the orphans who had been deprived of their husbands and fathers. Muhammad (peace be upon him) undertook the major burden on himself and married Hafsa, daughter of 'Umar, whose husband had died in the battle of Badr. It was on this ground of clemency and compassion that the Holy Prophet married Zaynab, the daughter of Khuzaimah, who had been deprived of her husband in Uhud. Her parents were non-Muslims living in Mecca and after the martyrdom of her husband, there was none to take care of her. The next lady to enter the hospitable household of the Holy Prophet was Umm Salamah whose husband had received fatal injuries in the battle of Uhud and died leaving behind a pregnant widow and a daughter. The Prophet was moved by her pitiable condition and honoured her by taking her as his wife. The events relating to the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh have been discussed in great detail in the foregoing pages and it has been established that this marriage was governed by some important social considerations, i.e. to obliterate the customs of adoptive affinity and also to remove the false notion then prevalent in society that the divorce of a noble lady by a freed slave undermined her prestige.
Besides these widows of his faithful followers, whom it fell to his lot to take under his protection and share their sufferings and sorrows, the Holy Prophet also took three widows of his enemies in marriage. The entry of these three ladies, Juwayriyah, Maymuna and Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with them) in the house of the Holy Prophet, became the means whereby relations with various tribes were cemented and this is how hostilities came to an end.
It is quite evident that the marriages of the Holy Prophet were governed mainly by the feeling of compassion for the widows of his faithful followers, who had no means to fall back upon after they were bereft of the love and care of their husbands. This fact has been acknowledged even by the critics of the Prophet. "It would be remembered, however," says Bosworth Smith, "that most of Muhammad's marriages may be explained, at least, as much by his pity for the forlorn condition of the persons concerned, as by other motives."
Other marriages were contacted from the motives of policy, in order to conciliate the heads of rival factions.
Then there was also one more consideration, in no way less important than those discussed earlier, which led to these marriages. Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the bearer of God's message not only for men, but also for women. The womenfolk needed the prophetic guidance, training and instruction in the same way as the males. The Holy Prophet was fully cognizant of the need of Muslim society. He had, therefore, in the best interest of the Ummah, endeavored to create a new leadership amongst women, which, like its counterpart amongst men could, by precept and example, help the formation of a new type of womanhood representing the teachings of Islam. How could this objective be achieved without first preparing the most perfect specimen of Muslim womanhood. The Holy Prophet allowed some women, belonging to different social groups, having different tastes and tendencies and different intellectual standards to enter his household as his wives and then by his close personal contact, nurture and train their God-given faculties so perfectly in accordance with the teachings of Islam that they could serve as pillars of light not only for the womenfolk of the Islamic commonwealth, but for the whole of womankind. One or two woman could not undertake this heavy responsibility. A whole group was required to meet this need.
Moreover, there is a good deal of difference in the nature of training essential for male and female. Man's life is dominated by social activities, whereas the natural sphere of woman's work is primarily her home. It is the wife alone who shares with the husband even the most secret affairs of life. The Holy Prophet could not prepare the specimen of Islamic womanhood unless he allowed some ladies to enter the innermost chambers of his domestic life. In view of the teachings of Islam, with regard to seclusion of sexes, only the noble wives of the Holy Prophet could be accommodated on this plane and mankind owes a deep debt of gratitude to these noble ladies that they communicated to us most faithfully, the sacred account of the Prophet's private life, which, like his public career, had so many facets and has been made a model pattern for the believers, both men and women. The injunction of the Qur'an: 'Verily in the Apostle of Allah, you have the best example' (33:2) covers not only one aspect of his sacred life, but his whole life . It was with a view to achieving this objective, i.e., the authentic transmission of the Prophet's home life to the people that a few noble ladies were made to enter his house as his wives.
The Qur'anic verse: 'It is not allowed to take wives after this, nor to change them for others (33:52) implies that the Holy Prophet, like all his other acts, contacted those marriages perfectly in accordance with the will of the Lord. There was a divine purpose behind them and when it was achieved, a restriction was place upon him.
That the Prophet married these ladies as a religious necessity can well be judged from the fact that he spent his youth in the company of one wife, Khadijah only. At the age of forty he was commissioned as a Prophet, and during the first twelve years of his prophethood, when he had only to instil in the minds of the people the fundamentals of faith, i.e., Oneness of God, apostlehood of Muhammad, life after death, he did not feel the necessity of marrying any other lady. After the death of Khadijah, he married Sawda, a widow of advanced age. But with the migration to Medina when Islamic society was established, the Muslims were required to conform their social and personal behaviour to the teachings of Islam, revelations for practical guidance in all walks of life came from Allah. These had to be explained by the life example of the holy Prophet. There was not one problem, but numerous problems concerning all phases of life that needed solving at every step. How the holy Prophet solved them must be made known to the people as it is also an integral part of the faith for 'he does not speak of his own desire' (Qur'an 53:3) It is God who speaks through him in whatever he utters by way of spiritual guidance or practical legislation. Now, whatever the Holy Prophet said or did in public could easily be conveyed to the other people for their guidance. But what about his private life which was equally important and divinely inspired and had to serve as an example for the Believers? It is through the noble wives of the holy Prophet that the Muslims learnt the teachings of Islam in their personal concerns. It was not an ordinary work, but an important task of vast magnitude which was admirably accomplished by these pious ladies. (Allah be pleased with them). How can these facts be justifiably ignored in the matter of Muhammad's marriages?
It is strange indeed that the western critics of Islam and of the holy Prophet in their sordid endeavors to malign Muhammad (peace be upon him) close their eyes to all those illuminating facts which prove that his was a life of perfect sublimity and single-minded devotion to Allah, absolutely free from the taint of base desires. It is narrated on the authority of Jabir b. 'Abd Allah that Abu Jahl and some of the chiefs of the Quraysh approached the holy Prophet and said:
" If you are anxious for leadership, we are prepared to declare you our leader, if you need riches, we would collect for you an enormous amount of wealth that will suffice not only for you but even for your descendants; if you are impelled by sexual urge, you may choose ten beautiful damsels out of the whole tribe of Quraysh. The holy Prophet kept silent and did not utter a word. When their talks concluded, the holy Prophet recited the following verse of the Qur'an:
Ha Mim! A revelation from the Beneficent, the Merciful; A Book of which the verses are made plain, an Arabic Qur'an for people who know and the bearer of glad tidings and a warner: Yet most of them turn aside so that they hearken not. [Qur'an 41:4-4]
The holy Prophet recited these verses of the Qur'an and concluded them with the following verse:
Then if they still turn away, say thou: I warn you of calamity of the 'Ad and Thamud. [Qur'an 51: 13]
Even this single event is enough to prove Muhammad's immense love for Allah, his devotion to his sacred mission and the insignificance in his eyes the worldly pleasures. Allurement could not distract him, even for a moment, form the noble cause for which he stood and suffered all kinds of hardships and privations. No opportunity could be more attractive than that this offered by the chiefs of Quraysh for the satisfaction of sensuous pleasures, if he were so inclined."
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Appendix B
Excerpt from: "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
402. It is true that Islam permits polygamy, but on this point Muslim law is more elastic and more in harmony with the requirements of society than the other systems of law which do not permit polygamy in any case. Supposing there is a case in which a woman has young children, and falls chronically ill, becoming incapable of doing the household work. The husband has no means of employing a maid-servant for the purpose, not to speak of the natural requirements of conjugal life. Supposing also that the sick woman gives her consent to her husband to take a second wife, and that a woman is found who agrees to marry the individual in question. Western law would rather permit immorality than a legal marriage to bring happiness to this afflicted home.
403. In fact, Muslim law is nearer to reason. For, it admits polygamy when a woman herself consents to such a kind of life. The law does not impose polygamy, but only permits it in certain cases. We have just remarked that it depends solely on the agreement of the woman. This is true of the first wife as well as the second one in prospect. It goes without saying that the second woman may refuse to marry a man who has already one wife; we have seen that no one can force a woman to enter into a marriage tie without her own consent. If the woman agrees to be a "co-wife" it is not the law which should be considered as cruel and unjust with regard to women and as favouring only men. As to the first wife, the act of polygamy depends on her. For, at the time of her marriage, she may demand the acceptance and insertion, in the document of the nuptial contract, or the clause that her husband would practise monogamy. Such a condition is as valid as any other condition of a legal contract. If a woman does not want to utilize this right of hers, it is not legislation which would oblige her to do that. We have just spoken of exceptional cases; and the law must have possible remedies. Polygamy is not the rule, but an exception; and this exception has multifarious advantages, social as well as other - the details would be burdensome here - and Islamic law need not be shy of this elasticity.
404. In the religious law of antiquity, there is no restriction to the number of wives a man may have. All the Biblical prophets were polygamous. Even in Christianity which has become synonymous with monogamy, Jesus Christ himself never uttered a word against polygamy; on the other hand, there are eminent Christian theologians, like Luther, Malanchthon, Bucer, etc., who would not hesitate to deduce the legality of polygamy from the parable of the virgins spoken of in the Gospel of Matthew (25:1-12) for Jesus Christ envisages there the possibility of the marriage of one man with as many as ten girls simultaneously. If the Christians do not want to profit by the permissions (which the founder of their religion seems to have given them), the law is not changed for all that. This is true of the Muslims also, whose law is moreover the only one in history which expressly limits the maximum permissible number of polygamous wives. (For Christian theory and practice, as well as for general discussion, cf. also Encyclopedia Britannica, under the articles, Marriage, and Polygamy; Westermarck, History of Human Marriage, 3 Vols.)
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In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. 'Abu Hanifah' is an unusual name because it means 'the father of Hanifah', and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be 'the father of the name of a son.'How this came about is quite edifying. One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question was, "Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a time?" To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed. So she gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl. This, obviously, was impossible to do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands. With more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring. Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name 'Abu Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did indeed earn a place in history.
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Appendix C
This is a grammatically edited excerpt from the chapter 'Adab an-Nikah' from Imam Ghazzali's 'Ihya Ulum-id-din' translated by Fazlul-Karim. Also blended with this translation is an excerpt from 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' and this is a translation of the same chapter by Muhtar Holland.
Benefits of marriage
There are five benefits: (1) to beget children, (2) to control sexual urges, (3) to obtain peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service, and (5) to gain rewards for duties to family. [Item (4) and (5) are not dealt with in this Appendix.]
(1) To beget children. This is the main purpose for marriage. The aim is to engender and preserve the human race. Four objectives are accomplished through procreation: - (i) to increase mankind (ii) Islam is propagated by increasing the number of followers of the Prophet, p.b.u.h. (iii) parents will hope to leave behind children who will pray for them (iv) and if a child dies before the parents, the prayers of the child in Paradise will be very beneficial for the parents.
The first objective is very subtle and not easily comprehended by man. It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for example a landowner who has generously given a servant a large amount of seed and the tools for cultivation, and who has also given this servant land for cultivation. Now if the servant refuses to till this land and instead allows it to remain uncultivated, useless and dormant, and furthermore, if he also carelessly destroys the seeds, it is clear then that this servant will become an object of wrath by the landowner. Similarly God has created man and woman with the wherewithal to produce and raise children. The uterus is the fertile field and both the male and female organs are the tools for cultivation. He also created sexual passion in both the male and female for the bearing of children through the use of these organs. This is proof of God's design. The Prophet has clearly substantiated this when he said "Marry and keep a family". He who does not marry, destroys these seeds and allows these tools to lie useless and dormant and he thereby goes against God's wishes. Infanticide has also been prohibited by God for this reason.
From Muhtar Holland's Translation: [Pages 17 & 18 ]
If the sole motive for marriage were to ward off lust, the plague-stricken Mu'adh would hardly have cried: "Find me a wife, lest I meet Allah as a celibate!" You might perhaps object: "Surely Mu'adh had no expectation of children at that moment, so how do you explain his desire for marriage?" but to this I would reply as follows: The child is produced by sexual intercourse. Intercourse is brought about by the prompting of sexual appetite, which is an involuntary impulse. The only voluntary contribution a man can make is to procure the stimulus to sexual desire, and this can normally be anticipated. One who has contracted a marriage has therefore performed his duty and done what he had to do; the rest is beyond his own volition.
That is why marriage is recommended even for the impotent, for the stirring of desire is hidden and not susceptible to observation. Indeed, the recommendation to marry extends even to the totally castrated person who can never expect children, in much the same way as a bald man is recommended to pass the razor across his pate as others do (on Pilgrimage), following the example of the righteous ancestors. In the same vein, the practices known as ramal and idtiba are still recommended during the Pilgrimage. The original purpose of these was to demonstrate stamina in the face of the unbelievers, the imitation of this display of fortitude became the model conduct for later generations.
Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is enfeebled. [end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
(2) The second benefit of marriage
The second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the machinations of the devil and to satisfy lust and hence protect the private parts. The Prophet said: "If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the remaining half." The Prophet said: "Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, for fasting diminishes his sexual power." The pleasure which lies within sexual intercourse is an example of happiness in the afterlife. There is no benefit derived from a thing in which there is no pleasure.
(3) The third benefit of marriage
Marriage brings peace of mind as love grows between the couple. Peace of mind is necessary for divine service. God says: "It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her." Hazrat Ali said: "Give peace to the mind because it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed." There is a Hadith which says that there are three special times for a wise man: - he speaks secretly with his Lord at one time, he takes account of his actions at another time, and he occupies himself with food and drink at another time. In another narration, a wise man is not desirous except in three matters: to earn his livelihood for the next world, to earn his livelihood for this world, and to taste the pleasure of lawful things. The Prophet said: "There is effort in every action and there is struggle in every effort. He who adopts struggle goes towards my Sunnah and guidance. The Prophet said: Upon complaint to Gabriel about the lessening of my sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said: Three things are dear to me among earthly matters - perfume, woman and prayer, the latter is coolness to my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.
From Muhtar Holland's translation: [Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]
He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the same as one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils of this agency.
Passion and procreation are both divinely ordained, and there is a link between the two. It would be wrong to say that the purpose is pleasure and the child is a necessary by-product (as, for instance, relieving oneself is a necessary consequence of eating, but not an end in itself.) No, the begetting of children is the aim of nature and the divine Wisdom, while sexual appetite is merely an incentive thereto.
By my life, there is in sexual appetite yet another dispensation, apart from the impetus to procreate, namely the joy experienced in satisfying it. If only that delight were lasting, it would be unparalleled by any other joy. It gives a foretaste of the delights we are promised in Paradise, for the prospect of a bliss we had never tasted would fail to impress. The prospect of sexual intercourse would hardly stimulate the impotent, nor would the pleasures of kingship and dominion serve to excite the interest of the very young. One advantage of worldly pleasures is that the hope of enjoying them permanently in Paradise can act as a spur to the worship of Allah.
Consider this Wisdom, this Mercy, this divine Providence! See how two lives derive benefit through this one appetite: an outer life and an inner life. The outer life is the life a man leads through the continuance of his line, which constitutes a kind of survival, while the inner life is the Otherworldly life. The bliss [of sexual satisfaction], deficient because it is so ephemeral, thus stimulates a desire for perfect bliss, for bliss everlasting, and serves as an incentive to the worship which lead to its attainment. Desiring this so ardently, the creature finds it easier to persevere in the course that will bring him to such felicity in Paradise.
Relaxation and recreation for the soul [pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]
This [third benefit of marriage] is obtained by enjoying the company and sight of one's wife, and by shared amusement, whereby the heart is refreshed and strengthened in worship; for the lower self (nafs) is prone to boredom and inclined to shun duty as something unnatural to it. If constrained to persevere in something repugnant, it jibes and backs away, whereas if revived occasionally by pleasures it acquires new strength and vigor. In familiarity with women, one finds the relaxation to banish cares and to refresh the heart.
The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the Exalted One said:
"That he may rest with her." [Qur'an 7:189]
[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
Sexual etiquette in marriage
At the beginning of sexual intercourse, pronounce the name of God by reciting "Bismillah" and recite the Takbir and Tahlil after Chapter Ikhlas and say 'O God, if Thou takest out semen from my back, make it a good issue.' The Prophet said: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring." The result is that the devil will not be able to injure a child that is born from this intercourse.
Don't face the Ka'bah at the time of intercourse and cover your body and the body of your wife. The Prophet used to cover his head, close his mouth and say to his wife, 'Take peace.' There is a Hadith which says: When anyone of you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly upon her, but let him speak words of love to her and then kiss each other. The Prophet said: Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife like a lower animal. Let him send the Envoy before cohabitation. Someone asked 'What is the Envoy O Prophet?' He said, 'kisses and words of love.' The Prophet said: In three matters, the weakness of a male is disclosed. Firstly if a lover meets his beloved, and then they separate without enquiring into their mutual condition and health; secondly, rejecting the honour which someone wishes to pay him [i.e., by rejecting a gift which was offered]; thirdly to engage in sexual intercourse with the wife or the female who is legally permitted, without talking to her or kissing her or by being unable to restrain the ejaculation of semen before that of his wife.
It is not commendable to cohabit with the wife on the first, middle and last days of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit on a Friday evening. After ejaculation, the husband should let his body lay some time upon his wife until she climaxes, as she is slower to climax. It is painful for her to be separated from her husband once her sexual passion has been aroused.
A young husband should enjoy sexual intercourse with his wife once every four days. To preserve the character of the wife, this may be increased or decreased. Sexual intercourse with the wife at the time of her menstruation is unlawful. However, it is lawful to enjoy her without sexual intercourse e.g. enjoy the region beneath the petticoat, or if there be such a need, even use the wife's hand for his ejaculation and stop short of actual copulation [in Arabic terminology, this is known as jima' bil yad, which means 'intercourse by hand.'] God says: "Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when and how you will." A man may keep company with his wife during her menstrual period for eating, resting/sleeping [without copulation] or other purposes. He is not obliged to avoid her.
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Appendix D
An excerpt from "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
108. Speaking of a strictly temporal act, such as a tax or a war, one pays taxes to the government. It should not be astonishing that Islam considers this act as one of the five basic elements of Faith, as important as belief, worship, fasting and pilgrimage! The significance is deep: One unites the spiritual and the temporal in a single whole, and one pays the tax not as a corvee or even as a social duty, but solely for the sake of God. When this duty of paying taxes becomes fixed in the mind as something sacred, a duty unto God from Whom nothing can be concealed and Who is, moreover, capable of resuscitating us and demanding our account, one can easily understand with what care and scruple a believer will pay his dues in the performance of this obligation. Similarly, ware is forbidden in Islam except in the way of God; and it is not difficult to understand that such a soldier is more apt to be humane and will not seek any earthly gain in the course of risking his life. By spiritualizing the temporal duties, Islam has had no other motives but strengthening the spiritual side of man, who in, this manner, far from seeking the material advantage of the material thing, aspires thereby to obtain only the pleasure of God. The Prophet has said: Ostentation is a sort of polytheism (shirk); and the reason as explained by Al-Ghazzali, is the following: if somebody worships or fasts for ostentation, it is shirk (polytheism), a worship of one's self, not of God Almighty; on the contrary, if one even cohabits with one's own wife - not for the carnal pleasure, but for performing the duty imposed by God, then that is an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure of and reward from God, as the Prophet has observed (cf. Ibn Hanbal, V, 154, 167, 187, etc.)
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Endnotes
1. p.b.u.h. is the short form for "peace be upon him" which is an expression used by Muslims to indicate reverence towards the holy Prophet Muhammad.
2. The tomb of the Prophet Zakariya alaihi-salam (may Allah be pleased with him), is located in the great Omayyad Mosque in Aleppo which is a city in northern Syria.. Click here to see a picture of this mosque.
3. From "The Sayings of Muhammad" by Allama Sir Abdullah Al-Mamun Al-Suhrawardy, pg 41. Charles E. Tuttle Company, Boston 1992.
4. Ibid, pg. 42
5. 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' (Chapter Adab-an-Nikah) from Book 12 of Ihya'ulum ad-din by Imam al-Ghazzali. This is an English translation from the original Arabic by Muhtar Holland and published byAl-Baz Publishing Inc.
by Syed Mumtaz Ali & Rabia Mills
In the Islamic faith, the first and the foremost and the most reliable and highest form of religious law for faithful Muslims is contained within the holy Qur'an. The Prophetic Traditions (also known as Hadith, which are the sayings and doings and tacit approval of things said or done in the presence of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h.)(1) are a second source of law. With that said, we hope the following reply will answer your question.
According to Islam, procreation is not the sole and only purpose of marriage. While procreation is a primary purpose, companionship and enjoyment of the spouse along with avoidance of unlawful or sinful relationships are also secondary purposes. These secondary purposes play their own important roles in the Islamic teachings which govern sexual relations. In other words, although procreation is definitely an aim, it is not an exclusive aim. Procreation is the major purpose, but nonetheless enjoyment and other purposes also play significant roles in married life as evidenced by the Islamic teachings which relate to sexual relations.
Although the primary purpose of sex is procreation, the Qur'an does not forbid it when a woman reaches menopause. For example, in the Qur'an is the story is about the Prophet Zakariya a.s.(2) (Christian spelling -- Zakaria) [see Qur'an 19:1-15] who had fathered a child well into his old age. One verse in particular reads:
"He [Zakariya] said: "O my Lord! How shall I have a son, when my wife is barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?" [Qur'an 19:8]
"He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord saith, "That is easy for Me: I did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!" [Qur'an 19:9]
The Qur'anic reference above, then, shows the case of a couple carrying on sexual relations well into old age. This in turn signifies that these relations are allowed within marriage and into old age for Muslim couples.
You will recall that this same story is found in the Old Testament with reference to Zakaria a.s. who was made to be mute for three days and nights as a sign from God.
In this connection, it is interesting to note that even in our relatively recent times, history has recorded the fact that the great Sufi Shaikh, Abdul Qadir Gilani r.a., was born on the 1st day of Ramadan 470 A.H [some historians say 471 A.H] which corresponds to March 18, 1078 A.D. His mother was 60 years of age at the time of his birth.
In terms of the Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, p.b.u.h. we can see another meaningful example of this in the life of the Prophet. The Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h. married his first wife (Khadija aged 40) when he was 25 years old, and he remained monogamous throughout his entire 26 years of marriage to her. He then married A'isha at the age of 54, but this was three years after the death of Khadija. It was after this marriage that he then took other wives. By the way, many non-Muslim writers have directed a great deal of unjust criticism against him for this. In fact all of these women were quite old or were widows who had been left destitute and without protection during those troubled times. And so as the head of State at Medina, the only proper way (according to Arab code) in which Muhammad p.b.u.h. could extend both protection and maintenance to them was by marriage.(3) [see also Appendix A] Those marriages were not only consummated, but ancillary sexual relations have also been reported to us through the Hadith literature. Hence another proof that sexual relations are considered acceptable well into old age. "Polygamy was not always considered to be so reprehensible as it is now. For example, St. Augustine himself observed that there was no intrinsic immorality or sinfulness in it, and declared that polygamy was not a crime where it was the legal institution of a country."(4) This subject matter, however, is another topic altogether. [see also Appendix B]
We have reproduced an excerpt on our website by Dr. M.A. Rauf from his book 'Marriage in Islam'. In this excerpt, Dr. Rauf discusses in great detail the advantages and possible disadvantages of marriage. Among the advantages that he discusses are procreation, fulfilment of the natural urge, companionship, comfort and relief to the soul, and so on. He also discusses the disadvantages and the types of burdens and risks involved with marriage. All of the advantages or benefits are in effect meant to be regarded as the secondary purpose of marriage which supplement its major aim or purpose, namely procreation. We would highly recommend that you read this excerpt for a more complete understanding of our present response to you.
With regards to your question regarding menopause, we would also strongly suggest that you read the book "The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam" by Imam al-Ghazzali. (5) [see also Appendix C] We would particularly refer you to where al-Ghazzali explains the rationale and reasoning for the recommendation of marriage - even for the impotent. In his Conclusion, al-Ghazzali discusses the other purposes of marriage and that is to fulfil the natural sexual desires as well as to experience its joy and protection from the perils of lust.
If one cohabits with one's own wife -- not for carnal pleasure alone, but for performing the duty imposed by God -- it would be an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure and reward from God and this is as the Prophet p.b.u.h. has observed. This is what has been described as spiritualizing temporal duties. [see also Appendix D] You might also refer to where Imam al-Ghazzali discusses the subject of relaxation and recreation for the soul and so on.
Islam also prescribes certain rules of sexual etiquette. Imam al-Ghazzali also sets out the PropheticTraditions which deal with the pleasures of 'foreplay' and other similar enjoyments that are permitted when the wife is menstruating. Not permitted, however, is to go so far as to copulate by means of penetration into the vagina during menstruation.
Islam has declared fornication (which by definition in Islam includes adultery) unlawful, and it goes to great lengths to make it repugnant by sanction and deterrent. It has even gone so far as to make any alliances of this type of unlawful sexual relationship a heinous sin and an odious offence. In other words, sexual relations of any kind, that fall outside of lawful marriage, are absolutely forbidden. For example:
"Nor come nigh to adultery for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils)." [Qur'an 17:32]
"The woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication - flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the Believers witness their punishment." [Qur'an 24:2]
"Those who bring the charge of adultery against chaste women but cannot produce four witnesses to prove the charge, give them 80 lashes and their testimony should never be believed." [Qur'an 24:4]
Four Prophetic Traditions [Hadith]:
1. "Said the Prophet: 'A grievously heinous sin in the estimation of God is to commit adultery with a woman living in one's neighbourhood'" [Bukhari & Muslim]
2. " He or she who casts a lewd glance at another and allows himself or herself to be attracted likewise, both meet the displeasure of God." [Dailami]
3. "There is nothing which God abhors more than adultery."
4. "Observed the Prophet: 'Whenever a calamity befalls a centre of population, take it for granted that immorality is rampant in that place.' [Dailami]
More Qur'anic quotes and Hadith:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Qur'an 30:21]
"And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous." [Qur'an 25:74]
"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when or how you will." [Qur'an 2:223]
Hadith: "Narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas: Ibn Umar misunderstood (the Qur'anic verse, "So come to your tilth however you will") - may Allah forgive him. The fact is that this clan of the Ansar, who were idolaters, lived in the company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. They (the Ansar) accepted their superiority over themselves in respect of knowledge and the followed most of their actions. The people of the Book (i.e., the Jews) used to have intercourse with their women on one side alone (i.e., lying on their backs). This was the most concealing position for (the vagina of) the women. This clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. But this tribe of the Quraysh used to uncover their women completely, and seek pleasure with them from in front and behind and laying them on their backs.
When the muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Medina, a man married a woman of the Ansar. He began to do the same kind of action with her, but she disliked it, and said to him: We were approached on one side (i.e. lying on the back); do it so, otherwise keep away from me. The matter of theirs spread widely and it reached the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him).
So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: "Your wives are a tilth to you, so come to your tilth however you will," i.e., from in front, from behind or lying on the back. But this verse meant the place of the delivery of the child, i.e., the vagina." [from the Hadith literature: Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2159]
"Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments." [Qur'an 2:187]
"It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her . . ." [Qur'an 7:189]
"And Allah has made for you mates (and companions) of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then believe in vain things, and be ungrateful for Allah's favours?" [Qur'an 16:72]
Hadith: On the authority of Abu Dharr : Some of the companions of the messenger of Allah said :" O Messenger of Allah, the affluent have made off with the rewards, they pray as we pray they fast as we fast, and they give away in charity the superfluity of their wealth." He said:" Has not Allah made things for you to give away in charity ? Every tasbihah is a charity, every takbirah is a charity, every tahmidah is a charity, and every tahlilah is a charity, to enjoin a good action is a charity, to forbid an evil action is a charity, and in the sexual act of each of you there is a charity." They said: "O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for that?" He said: "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully he would be sinning ? Likewise, if he has acted upon it lawfully he will have a reward." [Muslim]
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Appendix A
From "Life of Muhammad" by A.H. Hamid Siddiqui. Hilal Publications, Calcutta 1981. Pages 243-247.
Marriages of the Holy Prophet
"He was hardly twenty-five years of age when he married Khadijah, who was fifteen years older than himself. It was with her and her alone that he passed all the years of his youth and manhood until she died three years before Hijra, when he was already a man of fifty. After the sad demise of Khadijah, he again went in for a widow, this time a helpless one in great distress. She was one of the earliest converts to Islam who had suffered many hardships for the cause of Truth.
The Holy Prophet married A'ishah, the daughter of his devoted friend Abu Bakr. She was the only virgin wife of Muhammad (peace be upon him).
Events took a very serious turn in Medina. The enmity of the Quraysh resulted in armed battles in which so many of the noble Muslims fell as martyrs. It was, therefore, the bounden duty of the Holy Prophet and his companions to alleviate the sufferings of the widows and the orphans who had been deprived of their husbands and fathers. Muhammad (peace be upon him) undertook the major burden on himself and married Hafsa, daughter of 'Umar, whose husband had died in the battle of Badr. It was on this ground of clemency and compassion that the Holy Prophet married Zaynab, the daughter of Khuzaimah, who had been deprived of her husband in Uhud. Her parents were non-Muslims living in Mecca and after the martyrdom of her husband, there was none to take care of her. The next lady to enter the hospitable household of the Holy Prophet was Umm Salamah whose husband had received fatal injuries in the battle of Uhud and died leaving behind a pregnant widow and a daughter. The Prophet was moved by her pitiable condition and honoured her by taking her as his wife. The events relating to the marriage of Zaynab bint Jahsh have been discussed in great detail in the foregoing pages and it has been established that this marriage was governed by some important social considerations, i.e. to obliterate the customs of adoptive affinity and also to remove the false notion then prevalent in society that the divorce of a noble lady by a freed slave undermined her prestige.
Besides these widows of his faithful followers, whom it fell to his lot to take under his protection and share their sufferings and sorrows, the Holy Prophet also took three widows of his enemies in marriage. The entry of these three ladies, Juwayriyah, Maymuna and Safiyyah (may Allah be pleased with them) in the house of the Holy Prophet, became the means whereby relations with various tribes were cemented and this is how hostilities came to an end.
It is quite evident that the marriages of the Holy Prophet were governed mainly by the feeling of compassion for the widows of his faithful followers, who had no means to fall back upon after they were bereft of the love and care of their husbands. This fact has been acknowledged even by the critics of the Prophet. "It would be remembered, however," says Bosworth Smith, "that most of Muhammad's marriages may be explained, at least, as much by his pity for the forlorn condition of the persons concerned, as by other motives."
Other marriages were contacted from the motives of policy, in order to conciliate the heads of rival factions.
Then there was also one more consideration, in no way less important than those discussed earlier, which led to these marriages. Muhammad (peace be upon him) was the bearer of God's message not only for men, but also for women. The womenfolk needed the prophetic guidance, training and instruction in the same way as the males. The Holy Prophet was fully cognizant of the need of Muslim society. He had, therefore, in the best interest of the Ummah, endeavored to create a new leadership amongst women, which, like its counterpart amongst men could, by precept and example, help the formation of a new type of womanhood representing the teachings of Islam. How could this objective be achieved without first preparing the most perfect specimen of Muslim womanhood. The Holy Prophet allowed some women, belonging to different social groups, having different tastes and tendencies and different intellectual standards to enter his household as his wives and then by his close personal contact, nurture and train their God-given faculties so perfectly in accordance with the teachings of Islam that they could serve as pillars of light not only for the womenfolk of the Islamic commonwealth, but for the whole of womankind. One or two woman could not undertake this heavy responsibility. A whole group was required to meet this need.
Moreover, there is a good deal of difference in the nature of training essential for male and female. Man's life is dominated by social activities, whereas the natural sphere of woman's work is primarily her home. It is the wife alone who shares with the husband even the most secret affairs of life. The Holy Prophet could not prepare the specimen of Islamic womanhood unless he allowed some ladies to enter the innermost chambers of his domestic life. In view of the teachings of Islam, with regard to seclusion of sexes, only the noble wives of the Holy Prophet could be accommodated on this plane and mankind owes a deep debt of gratitude to these noble ladies that they communicated to us most faithfully, the sacred account of the Prophet's private life, which, like his public career, had so many facets and has been made a model pattern for the believers, both men and women. The injunction of the Qur'an: 'Verily in the Apostle of Allah, you have the best example' (33:2) covers not only one aspect of his sacred life, but his whole life . It was with a view to achieving this objective, i.e., the authentic transmission of the Prophet's home life to the people that a few noble ladies were made to enter his house as his wives.
The Qur'anic verse: 'It is not allowed to take wives after this, nor to change them for others (33:52) implies that the Holy Prophet, like all his other acts, contacted those marriages perfectly in accordance with the will of the Lord. There was a divine purpose behind them and when it was achieved, a restriction was place upon him.
That the Prophet married these ladies as a religious necessity can well be judged from the fact that he spent his youth in the company of one wife, Khadijah only. At the age of forty he was commissioned as a Prophet, and during the first twelve years of his prophethood, when he had only to instil in the minds of the people the fundamentals of faith, i.e., Oneness of God, apostlehood of Muhammad, life after death, he did not feel the necessity of marrying any other lady. After the death of Khadijah, he married Sawda, a widow of advanced age. But with the migration to Medina when Islamic society was established, the Muslims were required to conform their social and personal behaviour to the teachings of Islam, revelations for practical guidance in all walks of life came from Allah. These had to be explained by the life example of the holy Prophet. There was not one problem, but numerous problems concerning all phases of life that needed solving at every step. How the holy Prophet solved them must be made known to the people as it is also an integral part of the faith for 'he does not speak of his own desire' (Qur'an 53:3) It is God who speaks through him in whatever he utters by way of spiritual guidance or practical legislation. Now, whatever the Holy Prophet said or did in public could easily be conveyed to the other people for their guidance. But what about his private life which was equally important and divinely inspired and had to serve as an example for the Believers? It is through the noble wives of the holy Prophet that the Muslims learnt the teachings of Islam in their personal concerns. It was not an ordinary work, but an important task of vast magnitude which was admirably accomplished by these pious ladies. (Allah be pleased with them). How can these facts be justifiably ignored in the matter of Muhammad's marriages?
It is strange indeed that the western critics of Islam and of the holy Prophet in their sordid endeavors to malign Muhammad (peace be upon him) close their eyes to all those illuminating facts which prove that his was a life of perfect sublimity and single-minded devotion to Allah, absolutely free from the taint of base desires. It is narrated on the authority of Jabir b. 'Abd Allah that Abu Jahl and some of the chiefs of the Quraysh approached the holy Prophet and said:
" If you are anxious for leadership, we are prepared to declare you our leader, if you need riches, we would collect for you an enormous amount of wealth that will suffice not only for you but even for your descendants; if you are impelled by sexual urge, you may choose ten beautiful damsels out of the whole tribe of Quraysh. The holy Prophet kept silent and did not utter a word. When their talks concluded, the holy Prophet recited the following verse of the Qur'an:
Ha Mim! A revelation from the Beneficent, the Merciful; A Book of which the verses are made plain, an Arabic Qur'an for people who know and the bearer of glad tidings and a warner: Yet most of them turn aside so that they hearken not. [Qur'an 41:4-4]
The holy Prophet recited these verses of the Qur'an and concluded them with the following verse:
Then if they still turn away, say thou: I warn you of calamity of the 'Ad and Thamud. [Qur'an 51: 13]
Even this single event is enough to prove Muhammad's immense love for Allah, his devotion to his sacred mission and the insignificance in his eyes the worldly pleasures. Allurement could not distract him, even for a moment, form the noble cause for which he stood and suffered all kinds of hardships and privations. No opportunity could be more attractive than that this offered by the chiefs of Quraysh for the satisfaction of sensuous pleasures, if he were so inclined."
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Appendix B
Excerpt from: "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
402. It is true that Islam permits polygamy, but on this point Muslim law is more elastic and more in harmony with the requirements of society than the other systems of law which do not permit polygamy in any case. Supposing there is a case in which a woman has young children, and falls chronically ill, becoming incapable of doing the household work. The husband has no means of employing a maid-servant for the purpose, not to speak of the natural requirements of conjugal life. Supposing also that the sick woman gives her consent to her husband to take a second wife, and that a woman is found who agrees to marry the individual in question. Western law would rather permit immorality than a legal marriage to bring happiness to this afflicted home.
403. In fact, Muslim law is nearer to reason. For, it admits polygamy when a woman herself consents to such a kind of life. The law does not impose polygamy, but only permits it in certain cases. We have just remarked that it depends solely on the agreement of the woman. This is true of the first wife as well as the second one in prospect. It goes without saying that the second woman may refuse to marry a man who has already one wife; we have seen that no one can force a woman to enter into a marriage tie without her own consent. If the woman agrees to be a "co-wife" it is not the law which should be considered as cruel and unjust with regard to women and as favouring only men. As to the first wife, the act of polygamy depends on her. For, at the time of her marriage, she may demand the acceptance and insertion, in the document of the nuptial contract, or the clause that her husband would practise monogamy. Such a condition is as valid as any other condition of a legal contract. If a woman does not want to utilize this right of hers, it is not legislation which would oblige her to do that. We have just spoken of exceptional cases; and the law must have possible remedies. Polygamy is not the rule, but an exception; and this exception has multifarious advantages, social as well as other - the details would be burdensome here - and Islamic law need not be shy of this elasticity.
404. In the religious law of antiquity, there is no restriction to the number of wives a man may have. All the Biblical prophets were polygamous. Even in Christianity which has become synonymous with monogamy, Jesus Christ himself never uttered a word against polygamy; on the other hand, there are eminent Christian theologians, like Luther, Malanchthon, Bucer, etc., who would not hesitate to deduce the legality of polygamy from the parable of the virgins spoken of in the Gospel of Matthew (25:1-12) for Jesus Christ envisages there the possibility of the marriage of one man with as many as ten girls simultaneously. If the Christians do not want to profit by the permissions (which the founder of their religion seems to have given them), the law is not changed for all that. This is true of the Muslims also, whose law is moreover the only one in history which expressly limits the maximum permissible number of polygamous wives. (For Christian theory and practice, as well as for general discussion, cf. also Encyclopedia Britannica, under the articles, Marriage, and Polygamy; Westermarck, History of Human Marriage, 3 Vols.)
***
In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. 'Abu Hanifah' is an unusual name because it means 'the father of Hanifah', and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be 'the father of the name of a son.'How this came about is quite edifying. One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question was, "Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a time?" To make a long story short, Abu Hanifah's daughter said that she knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed. So she gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl. This, obviously, was impossible to do. Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands. With more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring. Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name 'Abu Hanifah', 'the father of Hanifah', so his daughter did indeed earn a place in history.
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Appendix C
This is a grammatically edited excerpt from the chapter 'Adab an-Nikah' from Imam Ghazzali's 'Ihya Ulum-id-din' translated by Fazlul-Karim. Also blended with this translation is an excerpt from 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' and this is a translation of the same chapter by Muhtar Holland.
Benefits of marriage
There are five benefits: (1) to beget children, (2) to control sexual urges, (3) to obtain peace of mind, (4) to increase divine service, and (5) to gain rewards for duties to family. [Item (4) and (5) are not dealt with in this Appendix.]
(1) To beget children. This is the main purpose for marriage. The aim is to engender and preserve the human race. Four objectives are accomplished through procreation: - (i) to increase mankind (ii) Islam is propagated by increasing the number of followers of the Prophet, p.b.u.h. (iii) parents will hope to leave behind children who will pray for them (iv) and if a child dies before the parents, the prayers of the child in Paradise will be very beneficial for the parents.
The first objective is very subtle and not easily comprehended by man. It is a natural truth and the following is its proof. Take for example a landowner who has generously given a servant a large amount of seed and the tools for cultivation, and who has also given this servant land for cultivation. Now if the servant refuses to till this land and instead allows it to remain uncultivated, useless and dormant, and furthermore, if he also carelessly destroys the seeds, it is clear then that this servant will become an object of wrath by the landowner. Similarly God has created man and woman with the wherewithal to produce and raise children. The uterus is the fertile field and both the male and female organs are the tools for cultivation. He also created sexual passion in both the male and female for the bearing of children through the use of these organs. This is proof of God's design. The Prophet has clearly substantiated this when he said "Marry and keep a family". He who does not marry, destroys these seeds and allows these tools to lie useless and dormant and he thereby goes against God's wishes. Infanticide has also been prohibited by God for this reason.
From Muhtar Holland's Translation: [Pages 17 & 18 ]
If the sole motive for marriage were to ward off lust, the plague-stricken Mu'adh would hardly have cried: "Find me a wife, lest I meet Allah as a celibate!" You might perhaps object: "Surely Mu'adh had no expectation of children at that moment, so how do you explain his desire for marriage?" but to this I would reply as follows: The child is produced by sexual intercourse. Intercourse is brought about by the prompting of sexual appetite, which is an involuntary impulse. The only voluntary contribution a man can make is to procure the stimulus to sexual desire, and this can normally be anticipated. One who has contracted a marriage has therefore performed his duty and done what he had to do; the rest is beyond his own volition.
That is why marriage is recommended even for the impotent, for the stirring of desire is hidden and not susceptible to observation. Indeed, the recommendation to marry extends even to the totally castrated person who can never expect children, in much the same way as a bald man is recommended to pass the razor across his pate as others do (on Pilgrimage), following the example of the righteous ancestors. In the same vein, the practices known as ramal and idtiba are still recommended during the Pilgrimage. The original purpose of these was to demonstrate stamina in the face of the unbelievers, the imitation of this display of fortitude became the model conduct for later generations.
Such are the considerations in forming their severe disapproval of abstinence from marriage, even in cases were sexual appetite is enfeebled. [end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
(2) The second benefit of marriage
The second benefit of marriage is to be safe from the machinations of the devil and to satisfy lust and hence protect the private parts. The Prophet said: "If a man marries, half of his religion is saved. Fear God for the remaining half." The Prophet said: "Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, for fasting diminishes his sexual power." The pleasure which lies within sexual intercourse is an example of happiness in the afterlife. There is no benefit derived from a thing in which there is no pleasure.
(3) The third benefit of marriage
Marriage brings peace of mind as love grows between the couple. Peace of mind is necessary for divine service. God says: "It is He Who has created you from a single person, and He has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her." Hazrat Ali said: "Give peace to the mind because it becomes blind when it becomes disturbed." There is a Hadith which says that there are three special times for a wise man: - he speaks secretly with his Lord at one time, he takes account of his actions at another time, and he occupies himself with food and drink at another time. In another narration, a wise man is not desirous except in three matters: to earn his livelihood for the next world, to earn his livelihood for this world, and to taste the pleasure of lawful things. The Prophet said: "There is effort in every action and there is struggle in every effort. He who adopts struggle goes towards my Sunnah and guidance. The Prophet said: Upon complaint to Gabriel about the lessening of my sexual passion, he advised me to take Harisah. The Prophet said: Three things are dear to me among earthly matters - perfume, woman and prayer, the latter is coolness to my eyes. This comfort is necessary for peace of mind.
From Muhtar Holland's translation: [Pages 20-22 . . . Conclusion]
He who obeys his master out of the desire to please Him is not the same as one who obeys merely in quest of deliverance from the perils of this agency.
Passion and procreation are both divinely ordained, and there is a link between the two. It would be wrong to say that the purpose is pleasure and the child is a necessary by-product (as, for instance, relieving oneself is a necessary consequence of eating, but not an end in itself.) No, the begetting of children is the aim of nature and the divine Wisdom, while sexual appetite is merely an incentive thereto.
By my life, there is in sexual appetite yet another dispensation, apart from the impetus to procreate, namely the joy experienced in satisfying it. If only that delight were lasting, it would be unparalleled by any other joy. It gives a foretaste of the delights we are promised in Paradise, for the prospect of a bliss we had never tasted would fail to impress. The prospect of sexual intercourse would hardly stimulate the impotent, nor would the pleasures of kingship and dominion serve to excite the interest of the very young. One advantage of worldly pleasures is that the hope of enjoying them permanently in Paradise can act as a spur to the worship of Allah.
Consider this Wisdom, this Mercy, this divine Providence! See how two lives derive benefit through this one appetite: an outer life and an inner life. The outer life is the life a man leads through the continuance of his line, which constitutes a kind of survival, while the inner life is the Otherworldly life. The bliss [of sexual satisfaction], deficient because it is so ephemeral, thus stimulates a desire for perfect bliss, for bliss everlasting, and serves as an incentive to the worship which lead to its attainment. Desiring this so ardently, the creature finds it easier to persevere in the course that will bring him to such felicity in Paradise.
Relaxation and recreation for the soul [pg. 27 Muhtar Holland's Translation]
This [third benefit of marriage] is obtained by enjoying the company and sight of one's wife, and by shared amusement, whereby the heart is refreshed and strengthened in worship; for the lower self (nafs) is prone to boredom and inclined to shun duty as something unnatural to it. If constrained to persevere in something repugnant, it jibes and backs away, whereas if revived occasionally by pleasures it acquires new strength and vigor. In familiarity with women, one finds the relaxation to banish cares and to refresh the heart.
The souls of the pious need legitimate recreation, which is why the Exalted One said:
"That he may rest with her." [Qur'an 7:189]
[end of Muhtar Holland's translation]
Sexual etiquette in marriage
At the beginning of sexual intercourse, pronounce the name of God by reciting "Bismillah" and recite the Takbir and Tahlil after Chapter Ikhlas and say 'O God, if Thou takest out semen from my back, make it a good issue.' The Prophet said: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring." The result is that the devil will not be able to injure a child that is born from this intercourse.
Don't face the Ka'bah at the time of intercourse and cover your body and the body of your wife. The Prophet used to cover his head, close his mouth and say to his wife, 'Take peace.' There is a Hadith which says: When anyone of you comes to his wife, let him not fall suddenly upon her, but let him speak words of love to her and then kiss each other. The Prophet said: Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife like a lower animal. Let him send the Envoy before cohabitation. Someone asked 'What is the Envoy O Prophet?' He said, 'kisses and words of love.' The Prophet said: In three matters, the weakness of a male is disclosed. Firstly if a lover meets his beloved, and then they separate without enquiring into their mutual condition and health; secondly, rejecting the honour which someone wishes to pay him [i.e., by rejecting a gift which was offered]; thirdly to engage in sexual intercourse with the wife or the female who is legally permitted, without talking to her or kissing her or by being unable to restrain the ejaculation of semen before that of his wife.
It is not commendable to cohabit with the wife on the first, middle and last days of the lunar month. It is commendable to cohabit on a Friday evening. After ejaculation, the husband should let his body lay some time upon his wife until she climaxes, as she is slower to climax. It is painful for her to be separated from her husband once her sexual passion has been aroused.
A young husband should enjoy sexual intercourse with his wife once every four days. To preserve the character of the wife, this may be increased or decreased. Sexual intercourse with the wife at the time of her menstruation is unlawful. However, it is lawful to enjoy her without sexual intercourse e.g. enjoy the region beneath the petticoat, or if there be such a need, even use the wife's hand for his ejaculation and stop short of actual copulation [in Arabic terminology, this is known as jima' bil yad, which means 'intercourse by hand.'] God says: "Your wives are a tilth unto you; so go to your tilth when and how you will." A man may keep company with his wife during her menstrual period for eating, resting/sleeping [without copulation] or other purposes. He is not obliged to avoid her.
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Appendix D
An excerpt from "Introduction to Islam" by Dr. M. Hamidullah
108. Speaking of a strictly temporal act, such as a tax or a war, one pays taxes to the government. It should not be astonishing that Islam considers this act as one of the five basic elements of Faith, as important as belief, worship, fasting and pilgrimage! The significance is deep: One unites the spiritual and the temporal in a single whole, and one pays the tax not as a corvee or even as a social duty, but solely for the sake of God. When this duty of paying taxes becomes fixed in the mind as something sacred, a duty unto God from Whom nothing can be concealed and Who is, moreover, capable of resuscitating us and demanding our account, one can easily understand with what care and scruple a believer will pay his dues in the performance of this obligation. Similarly, ware is forbidden in Islam except in the way of God; and it is not difficult to understand that such a soldier is more apt to be humane and will not seek any earthly gain in the course of risking his life. By spiritualizing the temporal duties, Islam has had no other motives but strengthening the spiritual side of man, who in, this manner, far from seeking the material advantage of the material thing, aspires thereby to obtain only the pleasure of God. The Prophet has said: Ostentation is a sort of polytheism (shirk); and the reason as explained by Al-Ghazzali, is the following: if somebody worships or fasts for ostentation, it is shirk (polytheism), a worship of one's self, not of God Almighty; on the contrary, if one even cohabits with one's own wife - not for the carnal pleasure, but for performing the duty imposed by God, then that is an act of piety and devotion, meriting the pleasure of and reward from God, as the Prophet has observed (cf. Ibn Hanbal, V, 154, 167, 187, etc.)
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Endnotes
1. p.b.u.h. is the short form for "peace be upon him" which is an expression used by Muslims to indicate reverence towards the holy Prophet Muhammad.
2. The tomb of the Prophet Zakariya alaihi-salam (may Allah be pleased with him), is located in the great Omayyad Mosque in Aleppo which is a city in northern Syria.. Click here to see a picture of this mosque.
3. From "The Sayings of Muhammad" by Allama Sir Abdullah Al-Mamun Al-Suhrawardy, pg 41. Charles E. Tuttle Company, Boston 1992.
4. Ibid, pg. 42
5. 'The Proper Conduct of Marriage in Islam' (Chapter Adab-an-Nikah) from Book 12 of Ihya'ulum ad-din by Imam al-Ghazzali. This is an English translation from the original Arabic by Muhtar Holland and published byAl-Baz Publishing Inc.
Sex and the married Muslim
Sex and the married Muslim
Sexpert to the Arab world Dr. Heba Kotb discusses female pleasure, halal sex and curing homosexuality.
By Tracy Clark-Flory
Dr. Heba Kotb
June 6, 2007 | Veiled by a hijab, Dr. Heba Kotb appears weekly on a hit Arab TV show called "The Big Talk" with a message for Muslims: Have more sex -- and hot sex -- in the name of Allah.
Kotb, the first licensed sexologist in Egypt, believes that sex is a gift Allah intended for humans; her divine mission is to make sure that they're enjoying it. Every week, viewers throughout the Muslim world flood her station with calls, hoping to have their most embarrassing and intimate questions answered on-air. All sorts of sexual queries are allowed, with one snag: Sexual relations outside of marriage are haram (prohibited by Islam) and not open to discussion. In fact, Kotb, a wife and mother of three, draws her sex advice directly from the Quran. According to her textual analysis, the Prophet Mohammed encouraged frequent sex and foreplay and decreed that female pleasure is, um, actually kind of important. She delivers these sexual dictates with the dryness of a doctor and the conviction of a fundamentalist, but she's also prone to jarring fits of laughter.
To the Western world -- where gray-haired sex educator Sue Johanson can be seen on TV simulating oral sex on six inches of silicone -- Kotb's call-in show would seem relatively quaint and her views on homosexuality downright regressive. But, to much of the Muslim world, the 39-year-old -- who appears fresh-faced and prim, save her heavily kohl-lined eyes -- is considered a radical liberal. Not surprisingly, though, her work has drawn the attention of extremist Islamic clerics: Sheik Youssef al-Badri declared that her work only "increases the number of sex perverts." But viewers were aching for a show like hers, she says, because sex education in Egypt is "nonexistent." In fact, it was while studying stateside to become a surgeon that Kotb discovered there was a world of sexual knowledge that had been withheld from her -- so she decided to take a dramatically different path and pursue a degree in clinical sexology. Years later she returned to Cairo and opened her own sex clinic; the demand for her services is so high that she's booked months in advance.
Kotb recently talked to Salon by phone from Cairo and explained why good sex is God's will, female masturbation is wrong and homosexuals are akin to alcoholics.
You've said you believe that by having more sex, married couples will please Allah. Why?
Whenever you have sex you get rewarded because you're avoiding the woman being prone to have sex outside of the marriage and vice versa. It's a way to please each other in our world and to please Allah.
Is the Quran concerned with female pleasure?
Yes, it is. The biggest chapter of the Quran is called "The Cow." There is a verse talking about the woman's rising pleasure. It's an order to the man to give the woman the right to have pleasure -- it orders the man to give the woman foreplay and also to get the wife to have sex repeatedly and to not wait for the woman to ask because sometimes she's too shy to ask.
You've blamed Egypt's high divorce rate on "bad sex." But why is the country stricken with "bad sex"?
I think that probably more than 80 percent of divorces in Egypt are from a lack of sex education. Sex is a taboo; it's not to be discussed or complained about. A lot of people didn't know that they could complain about sex.
Why is sex such a controversial topic in the Muslim world?
It's culture -- it's not Islam, whatsoever. Islam is a very liberal and progressive religion. It invites people to have sex, of course within the marital frame. Prophet Mohammed never showed any offense to anyone asking about sexuality. On the contrary, he responded to every single question. The thing is, the culture overwhelms this.
What do you think about the in-your-face American approach to sex and sexuality?
I'm totally against this. It's harmful -- sex loses its luster and its preciousness. God orders that sex remains precious, like a pearl -- it's not just for everyone. A balance has to be built: This is allowed, this is not allowed; this is halal, this is haram. Sex is one of the things that is forbidden before marriage and outside of marriage; on the other hand, it's allowed within marriage with a lot, a lot of freedom. This creates a balance. In the American approach everything is allowed -- you can have sex at any age, on any occasion.
Who do you think is having better sex -- Americans or Egyptians?
Well, I'm not a witness. [Laughs.] Believe it or not, I've been to several countries for various conferences and it's quite the same everywhere -- there are the same problems. I don't think one group is having better sex than the other, but there is great individual variation. Those who are open, clear with each other and confront the problems they are having are far ahead.
You have encouraged women to explore their bodies -- does that include masturbation?
The woman, by means of instinct, does not need masturbation. She's not like the man whatsoever. It's not a call of nature for her. So that's why I'm not very sympathetic with young women and girls choosing to masturbate. They're ruining their sexual future -- a woman has to remain blank until she gets married and by masturbating she's forming her sexuality.
What if a woman masturbates during marriage?
There's no need! If her husband is operative and they're having sex, there's no need.
As forward-thinking as you are in some respects, you're hardly a liberal by Western standards. What are your feelings on homosexuality?
[Laughs] Well, I have a very famous opinion about homosexuality. I'm totally against homosexuality being considered a gene or natural. It's a sin -- they're just like the alcoholics and the drug-takers. I'm also the reason for a lot of patients to have been cured -- so, no, I can't believe that it is natural.
So you've cured people of their homosexuality?
A lot, yes -- maybe over 30 or 40 now. They were extremely obedient and followed my instructions for a whole nine months to one year. Now these patients are married to women, have kids and desire women even on the level of daydreams and night dreams.
Has a caller on your show ever asked a question that made you blush?
I don't get embarrassed -- it's my job. In Islam, everything between a husband and wife is allowed sexually, except for two things: anal intercourse and intercourse during menstruation. One caller said she desired to be penetrated from behind. I got mad because this is a closed subject -- this is haram. Being asked this question on the air makes me uncomfortable about giving the answers. When I'm inside my own office, it's easier -- you don't have to watch what you say.
What kind of a response have you received to your show?
For me, the response was extremely positive from everyone. I've been told some people think of my show as being extremely revealing and that it's teaching people how to have sex and encouraging young men and women to have sex outside marriage. But I don't care about this argument, because it's not right.
What are your husband's feelings on your career?
He's busy too -- much more busy than I am. I'm blessed; if he were not, I would be living in a big problem. He has been extremely supportive all throughout my life. He used to be my colleague in college. We fell in love in our third year of school. He knows how important my work is to me and he knows that being supportive is the way to my heart. He's my first priority in my world -- he's my love, he's my sweetheart. Maybe that's why I'm giving good advice for spouses. Throughout our 15 years of marriage, I have never stopped loving him.
Sexpert to the Arab world Dr. Heba Kotb discusses female pleasure, halal sex and curing homosexuality.
By Tracy Clark-Flory
Dr. Heba Kotb
June 6, 2007 | Veiled by a hijab, Dr. Heba Kotb appears weekly on a hit Arab TV show called "The Big Talk" with a message for Muslims: Have more sex -- and hot sex -- in the name of Allah.
Kotb, the first licensed sexologist in Egypt, believes that sex is a gift Allah intended for humans; her divine mission is to make sure that they're enjoying it. Every week, viewers throughout the Muslim world flood her station with calls, hoping to have their most embarrassing and intimate questions answered on-air. All sorts of sexual queries are allowed, with one snag: Sexual relations outside of marriage are haram (prohibited by Islam) and not open to discussion. In fact, Kotb, a wife and mother of three, draws her sex advice directly from the Quran. According to her textual analysis, the Prophet Mohammed encouraged frequent sex and foreplay and decreed that female pleasure is, um, actually kind of important. She delivers these sexual dictates with the dryness of a doctor and the conviction of a fundamentalist, but she's also prone to jarring fits of laughter.
To the Western world -- where gray-haired sex educator Sue Johanson can be seen on TV simulating oral sex on six inches of silicone -- Kotb's call-in show would seem relatively quaint and her views on homosexuality downright regressive. But, to much of the Muslim world, the 39-year-old -- who appears fresh-faced and prim, save her heavily kohl-lined eyes -- is considered a radical liberal. Not surprisingly, though, her work has drawn the attention of extremist Islamic clerics: Sheik Youssef al-Badri declared that her work only "increases the number of sex perverts." But viewers were aching for a show like hers, she says, because sex education in Egypt is "nonexistent." In fact, it was while studying stateside to become a surgeon that Kotb discovered there was a world of sexual knowledge that had been withheld from her -- so she decided to take a dramatically different path and pursue a degree in clinical sexology. Years later she returned to Cairo and opened her own sex clinic; the demand for her services is so high that she's booked months in advance.
Kotb recently talked to Salon by phone from Cairo and explained why good sex is God's will, female masturbation is wrong and homosexuals are akin to alcoholics.
You've said you believe that by having more sex, married couples will please Allah. Why?
Whenever you have sex you get rewarded because you're avoiding the woman being prone to have sex outside of the marriage and vice versa. It's a way to please each other in our world and to please Allah.
Is the Quran concerned with female pleasure?
Yes, it is. The biggest chapter of the Quran is called "The Cow." There is a verse talking about the woman's rising pleasure. It's an order to the man to give the woman the right to have pleasure -- it orders the man to give the woman foreplay and also to get the wife to have sex repeatedly and to not wait for the woman to ask because sometimes she's too shy to ask.
You've blamed Egypt's high divorce rate on "bad sex." But why is the country stricken with "bad sex"?
I think that probably more than 80 percent of divorces in Egypt are from a lack of sex education. Sex is a taboo; it's not to be discussed or complained about. A lot of people didn't know that they could complain about sex.
Why is sex such a controversial topic in the Muslim world?
It's culture -- it's not Islam, whatsoever. Islam is a very liberal and progressive religion. It invites people to have sex, of course within the marital frame. Prophet Mohammed never showed any offense to anyone asking about sexuality. On the contrary, he responded to every single question. The thing is, the culture overwhelms this.
What do you think about the in-your-face American approach to sex and sexuality?
I'm totally against this. It's harmful -- sex loses its luster and its preciousness. God orders that sex remains precious, like a pearl -- it's not just for everyone. A balance has to be built: This is allowed, this is not allowed; this is halal, this is haram. Sex is one of the things that is forbidden before marriage and outside of marriage; on the other hand, it's allowed within marriage with a lot, a lot of freedom. This creates a balance. In the American approach everything is allowed -- you can have sex at any age, on any occasion.
Who do you think is having better sex -- Americans or Egyptians?
Well, I'm not a witness. [Laughs.] Believe it or not, I've been to several countries for various conferences and it's quite the same everywhere -- there are the same problems. I don't think one group is having better sex than the other, but there is great individual variation. Those who are open, clear with each other and confront the problems they are having are far ahead.
You have encouraged women to explore their bodies -- does that include masturbation?
The woman, by means of instinct, does not need masturbation. She's not like the man whatsoever. It's not a call of nature for her. So that's why I'm not very sympathetic with young women and girls choosing to masturbate. They're ruining their sexual future -- a woman has to remain blank until she gets married and by masturbating she's forming her sexuality.
What if a woman masturbates during marriage?
There's no need! If her husband is operative and they're having sex, there's no need.
As forward-thinking as you are in some respects, you're hardly a liberal by Western standards. What are your feelings on homosexuality?
[Laughs] Well, I have a very famous opinion about homosexuality. I'm totally against homosexuality being considered a gene or natural. It's a sin -- they're just like the alcoholics and the drug-takers. I'm also the reason for a lot of patients to have been cured -- so, no, I can't believe that it is natural.
So you've cured people of their homosexuality?
A lot, yes -- maybe over 30 or 40 now. They were extremely obedient and followed my instructions for a whole nine months to one year. Now these patients are married to women, have kids and desire women even on the level of daydreams and night dreams.
Has a caller on your show ever asked a question that made you blush?
I don't get embarrassed -- it's my job. In Islam, everything between a husband and wife is allowed sexually, except for two things: anal intercourse and intercourse during menstruation. One caller said she desired to be penetrated from behind. I got mad because this is a closed subject -- this is haram. Being asked this question on the air makes me uncomfortable about giving the answers. When I'm inside my own office, it's easier -- you don't have to watch what you say.
What kind of a response have you received to your show?
For me, the response was extremely positive from everyone. I've been told some people think of my show as being extremely revealing and that it's teaching people how to have sex and encouraging young men and women to have sex outside marriage. But I don't care about this argument, because it's not right.
What are your husband's feelings on your career?
He's busy too -- much more busy than I am. I'm blessed; if he were not, I would be living in a big problem. He has been extremely supportive all throughout my life. He used to be my colleague in college. We fell in love in our third year of school. He knows how important my work is to me and he knows that being supportive is the way to my heart. He's my first priority in my world -- he's my love, he's my sweetheart. Maybe that's why I'm giving good advice for spouses. Throughout our 15 years of marriage, I have never stopped loving him.
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